Entries this day: NIN

NIN

(transcribed from Book Six 4:10pm JST Friday 26 June 2009 (day 14338))

10:55 PM Sunday 21 November 1993

Build it up now take it apart
Climb up real high now fall down real far
Wish there was something real
wish there was something true
wish there was something real
in this world full of you.

That's enough of that.

I just got off the pone with Cathy.

She really thought about how she felt about me and she finds me quite handsome & a great guy but she is not ready for a relationship. We talked bunches about stuff and I don't even remember what.

We talked about past relationships & why she's not ready for one now.

I somehow felt a sense of relief when she said no. For the perfect girl, that should not happen. My committment [sic] to my perfect girl will be so perfectly desirable that it will be my freedom. Given the choice, I'll choose her.

Then she said that if I look for a girl then I won't find her. I don't believe that per se, but I think it's the watch pot syndrom [sic]. If I wait continually anticipate something, it will seem to take longer to arrive than if I just let it come and not specifically wait for it.

ANYway so I changed my message to myself. Now it's "STOP LOOKING"

"So what do I do about my desire to kiss?" I asked her. She said, "either surp supress [sic] it, or go out with girls who are right for you now, instead of looking for that perfect girl."

So there I have it.

So I ask told her I was very hypocritical: "I want to kiss you, then." (I had previously said something to the effect of the opposite.) She aid it was quite tempting but that

1. she would want more (sex)
2. I have made my decision to not have sex
3. She doesn't want to drive herself crazy to uphold my decision against what she wants.

Perfectly logical, dammit. Shit shit shit

I told her that was quite logical and well thought out. Everything was cool and then at the very end she got me.

"It's just that the timing is wrong..."

AAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! FUCK The fucking timing which always bites my butt.

Shit. So Nine inch Nails went on really loud and there youg you go.