Entries this day: Runes_on_first_day asl

Runes on first day

10:32am CDT Tuesday 25 June 2002

Today is my first day off with basically nothing scheduled; no one to report to except myself and Spot.

I started out in a great deal of fear that almost paralyzes me, but then I sat with my list of things and called some people and such. The interesting thing I discovered in my mind is the similarity I see between my situation now and when I left Telecheck with $10,000 in my bank account some years ago.

This time I don't have $10,000, but the key feature is this: back then I was afraid to leave my apartment and until recently I couldn't figure out why. Now I realize it's this (and was probably this back then): fear that I'll lose touch with my friends.

In my scared mind, it works like this:

1. I tell my friends I'll be at this address through the end of 2002 (this I've already done)

2. I move out before the end of 2002

3. My friends send letters and whoops! where's Rob?

This three step scenario severely underestimates my friends. They will forgive me if I move; they will be willing to update address books before the end of 2002.

- - - -

So now my list of tasks has shifted slightly. I am allowing myself to be open to the possibility of moving out sooner than December. I will now allow my higher self to speak to me through runes.

I'll let you know what I find out.

Oh, I just called Karla and asked her to write a reference letter for me to Nova. She'll ask Kevin as well, but he was on the phone.

- - - -

Overview: Hagalaz (Disruption, Elemental Power, Hail)

Change, freedom, invention and liberation are all attributes of this Rune. Drawing it indicates a pressing need within the psyche to break free from constricitng identification with material reality and to experience the world of archetypal mind.

The Rune of elemental disruption, of events that seem to be totally beyond your contorl, Hagalaz has only an upright position, and yet always operates through reversal. When you draw this Rune, expect disruption, for it is the Great Awakener, although the form the awakening takes my vary. Perhaps you will experience a gradual feeling of coming to your sense, as though you are emerging from a deep sleep. Then again, the onset of poer may be such as to rip away the fabric of what you previously knew as your reality, your security, your understanding of yourself, your work, your relationships or beliefs.

Disruption takes many forms: a relationship fails, plans go awry, a source of supply dries up. But do not be dismayed. Wheter you created the disruption, or whether it comes from an outside source,e you are not without power in theis situation. Your inner strengh, the will you have funded until now in your life provides support and guidandce at a time when everything you've taken for granted is being challenged.

Another of the Cycle Runes, the term radical discontinuity best describes the action of Hagalaz at its most forceful. The more severe the disruption in your life, the more significant and timely the requirements for your growth. The universe and you own sould are demanding that you do, indeed, grow.

Challenge: Fehu (Possessions, Nourishment, Cattle) reversed

Reversed: There may be considerable frustration in your life if you draw Fehu Reversed, a wide range of dispossessions ranging from trivial to severe. You fall short in your efforts, you reach out and miss; you are compelled to stand by and watch helplessly while what you've gained dwindles away. Observe what is happening. Examing these events from an open perspective and ask, "What do I need to learn from this in my life?"

Even if there is occasion for joy, do not let yourslef be seduced into mindless joyousness. Reversed, this Rune indicated that doubtful situations are abundant and come in many forms and guises. Here you are being put in touch with your shadow side of possessions. Yet all this is part of coming to be and passing away, and not that which abides. In dealing with the shadow side of Fehu, you have an opportunity to recognize where your true nourishment lies.

Timely Action: Inguz (Fertility, New Beginnings, Ing, the Hero God)

This Rune is akin to the moon, the intuitive part of our nature, with its urge toward harmonizing and adjusting in the sphere of personal relationships. Inguz embodies the need to share, the yearing to be desired, a search after similarities.

The completion of beginnings is what Inguz requires. Drawing this Rune may mark a time of joyful deliverance, of new life, a new path. A Rune of great power, receiving it means that you now have the strength to achieve completion, resolution, from which comes a new beginning. Above all, completion is crucial here. It may be timely that you complete some project now; if so, make that your first priority. Perhaps a difficult state of mind can be clarified or resolved. The appearance of this Rune indicates that you must fertilize the ground for your own deliverance.

All things change and we cannot live permanently amid obstructions. Inguz signals your emegence from a closed, chrysalis state. As you resolve and clear away the old, you will experience a release from tension and uncertainty.

You may be required to free yourself from a rut, habit or relationship; from some deep cultural or behavioral pattern, some activity that was quite proper to the self you are leaving behind. The time of birth is always a critical one. Movement can involve danger, and yet movement that is timely leads out of danger. The time has come to enter the delivery room.

Another of the Cycle Runes, Inguz counsels preparation. Being centered and grounded, freeing yourself from all unwanted influences and seeing the humor, you are indeed prepared to open to the Will of Heaven and await your deliverance with calm certainty.

- - - -

Wow. What a pile of words. I don't feel any more clear on what would be helpful. I shall sit meditatively for a moment. It's 11:20am.

11:57am

I spent 20 minutes looking through my journal entries from late 1998 and early 1999; it seems that the times I was *excited* were times associated with travel. That seems to be the answer to my current question/introspective situation. So I called Lee-eh to let her move to my apartment (actually at that moment I offered to let her live with me roommate wise, thereby reducing my rent. But now I'm more likely to just move out), and left a message with her. I called Jason, but he is already committed to moving into his mom's ex house in Clear Lake.

Hey Kristen, do you want to live in my apartment?

I'm at Mission Burritos and Dude has just arrived.

1:01pm

Brainstorming with Amy now.

I'm basically considering leaving my apartment and moving into my car and visiting people and such. I need a permanent address (dad's house); I'll give my furniture to anyone who will take over the lease; I just need to tell Gen X and send Spot somewhere...

Cost of gas will go up; cost of rent will go down.

How many places can I legitimately stay? Friends' houses, campsites, side of road...

My bank account is already electronic; there is no brick and mortar place to go. I should get more deposit slips.

How to keep my clothes?

What I choose not to release: end table that I made in 9th grade, marble track, diaries, yearbooks, scrap books, pictures, old letters, maybe more.

1:31pm

I'm back at home; I greatly appreciate Amy's time spent brainstorming with me. She had to split to work on a slideshow for her sister's wedding this Saturday.

5:15pm

I am back at home after having visited Kinko's free internet access. Ryan McCarthy showed up randomly and we talked for a bit. He is depressed and has no job nor direction in his life. I gave him some suggestions and we discussed different options that we have.

I had been working on Kim Sawyer's website, but I got too cold at Kinko's at came home.

Talked to Sylvia at the apartment front desk to see about my options for moving out. They will charge 85% of 1 month's rent if they find a replacement for me. If I find someone to move in and have them sign a notarized thing accepting responsibility for the apartment, then I pay nothing extra.

Jodi (me and Wende's house sale real estate agent) complimented my bravery for choosing this option, saying I am "choosing to be homeless." Yep, that's what I'm choosing.

asl

10:29pm CDT Tuesday 25 June 2002

Just before ASL, I was working on Kim's personal website, and discovered that I haven't worked on it for 6 months, and could arguably owe him the equivalent of $4800 work on his site. (We're bartering personal coach time for website development)

Anyway, I spent about 1 hour trying to get 1 thing to work correctly and finally did. It took a while to track down since I don't have access to the cgi logs, and stupid internet explorer wasn't reloading the page from the internet even though I told it to reload every time, and I was clicking refresh. Stupid IE. I had to clear the cache each time I wanted to refresh the page I was working on.

- - - -

ASL was fun, especially at the end when it was just Chuck, Ima, and me talking. We learned that Chuck lives in a 120 year old 12 room house featuring 2 ghosts, one of which Chuck has never seen nor experienced, but other people have.

After Chuck left, I was chillin' with Ima until her twin Eka came to pick her up. Ima asked me about my religious beliefs (the first night we had ASL together she had invited me to her church picnic thing, but I turned her down, having assumed it would be some variety of a Christian/biblical based religion) and I was telling her what I believed and such.. the conversation started when she asked about why I was choosing to go on such an adventure and just leave stuff behind, and I told her I believe God would provide for me. "Oh, you believe in Him?" was her reaction. Of course I do.

I just don't believe God requires anything of us in order for us to be loved and allowed to chill with him when we're not in physical form.

- - - -

Eka arrived and we were all talking a bit. I was thankful for how respectful they were of my beliefs. Most other times that I've been in a similar conversation, the person who was not me would interrupt me a lot. I thanked them for allowing me to speak un-interrupted.

My phone interrupted us twice though. Maggie and Marta each called me. I called Maggie back, but I haven't called Marta back yet.