Entries this day: State_of_my_life afternoon ktru marta

State of my life

11:00am CDT Saturday 6 July 2002

State of My Life

Right at this very moment I sit in my apartment during the garage sale I'm having. One person has visited and bought a set of shelves and 4 books. My $/customer ratio is excellent!

Three more hours to go: plenty of time to have more folks visit.

In a week-sized scale, I'm selling my stuff and moving out of my apartment, intending to allow someone to take over my lease ($760) until December 31. I placed an ad in the Houston Press a couple weeks ago, and got a few phone calls, but nothing confirmed. Just today I placed an ad in the Houston Chronicle, which will run from Tuesay 9 July to Monday 22 July.

I've been archiving stuff that I hope to come back to when I've finished travelling (sp), choosing some stuff to come with me, releasing the rest, either selling or giving to friends and neighbors.

On a month-sized scale, I'm closing in on the final days in Houston. I lost my job in June and half-heartedly looked for a job, found nothing, decided to travel. My ex-company wasn't bringing in enough $ to afford all of us, so they let some people go to 1/2 time. They knew I was intent on leaving at the end of the year, so they let me go all the way. "Whoohooo!!" and "Oh no!! now what???"

On a year-sized scale, I was engaged to marry Wende on 21 June 2002. We had been engaged since 29 February 2000, but I started to get freaked and broke up with her in early September 2001. I realized that I have to travel and see (much) more of the world before I can settle.

I applied to be a youth group tour-guide to lead high school youth overseas, but I didn't have enough in-country experience to be accepted (I applied with US Experiment). So, I've decided to teach English in Japan for a year or two. Then I'll have enough in-country experience to lead trips to Japan.

I will also have approximately 1 million other opportunities be made available to me, so I'm not tied to simply giving youth group tours to Japan. That's in the multiple-years-away-future; I don't have a lot of plans for that far out.

Emotionally, I'm scared and excited and forging new experiences for myself. Learning a lot about how I act and react in different situations; discovering new qualities about myself.

I can't quite put these into words yet.

afternoon

2:17pm CDT Saturday 6 July 2002

I got to take a phat nap during the last two hours of my sale. Dave was my one and only visitor. I'm thankful for the success I had today!

I opened an account this morning with a different bank (one with a storefront), so I can get my paypal thing linked with them. I'm going to get online and do that now.

It's possible that I'll see a movie with Wende and Maggie today _Men In Black 2_. That is if they don't go see _Secrets of the YaYa Sister Club_

ktru

8:50pm CDT Saturday 6 July 2002

Oh my gosh I am thrilled at the phone call I just had with Chad. I'm at KTRU right now, and I must say that I seem to have graduated from KTRU. I'm not in total thrillsville about it. Not that every thing in my life has to be completely amazing, but I feel that KTRU and I have had a great time together and it's time for me to leave.

I have one more shift that I'll be able to make - next week. I need to find a sub for the rest of my shifts this summer. Instead of sending an email out to the KTRU list for every shift, I decided to call around and find someone.

My first call? Chad.

Chad has been a DJ here for not quite a year I think. He indicated to Wende that he would enjoy it, so I totally encouraged him to apply. He got the job and every (every) time I've heard him on the air, I've been way impressed with his style and DJ excellence!

Plus, he's fun and cool and all that, so I'm thrilled that he agreed to cover the rest of my summer shifts! He actually said, "you're my brother so I can't say no."

"Aw man, Chad, you're makin' my day!"

"Don't start crying on me now.."

Funny. I stretched the favor by a week and asked if he would join me during my last shift next week, and he said yes! whooo!

I intend to record it.

marta

7:01am CDT Saturday 6 July 2002

To:      Janette Bibby
Date:    1:30am Saturday 6 July 2002
Subject: venting

HI

Welcome to a different side of Rob:

It's 1:45am on Friday night/ Saturday morning.  I have to be awake and
smart in 7 hours.  I hardly think I can get this all out to make it
sufficiently understandable, but thank you for listening.

Even though I broke up with Wende, I'm still in relationship with her
because I still let her reactions/thoughts/etc affect how I think and
act.  I'm relatively okay with this ("relatively okay" is what we in
my men's group would call a 'word fuck,' which often comes down to
saying something that's not what is really meant)

In a vacuum, I'm okay with still being in relationship with Wende.

However, there is a girl named Marta who I met at Plano Rally.  She
fell in love with me (that's my judement that she fell in love with me
- she never used those words) because I was all happy bouncy ROB at
the rally.  Great.  Excellent.  I love that.

And due to her flirtations and such, I began to fall in love with her.
And I told her this.  "I'm beginning to fall in love with you." and I
meant "fall in love" in terms of what M Scot Peck (?) said in _The
Road Less Traveled_ (?) in the chapter on "Love"

Something like falling in love is effortless.  It won't last if the
two individuals are allowed to remain close long enough.  Ultimately
the individuals will realized that the apparent one-ness is actually
an illusion, and that the other individual is still an individual and
still has his/her own thoughts/fears/agendas/etc, and did not,
therefore, solve all the problems of the first individual.

Marta seems to have taken my thought differently, maybe "more
seriously."

I'm an excellent flirt.  I do it as a technique to keep my sexual
supply line full.  At times in my life I have wondered if I'm a sex
addict.  Using the definition of (something like) "allowing the
addictive behavior to repeatedly interfere with 'real life' means it's
an addiction."  By that definition, I am often a sex addict.

Not in a teen porn ring way, or a rape way, but (*)

- - - - - -

(*) At that point in the message, I fell asleep. Upon waking up the next morning, I feel ten hundred times better. And I'm choosing not to send this message to Janette. It's a bit more revealing about myself than I choose to be now while I'm not sleepy tired.

Below is the message I am sending to Marta:

From: Rob Nugen 
Date: Sat Jul 06, 2002  06:54:24  US/Central
To: Arta S
Subject: feeling better

Super Smarta Arta:

I felt really sad last night, that I have caused such craziness in our
flirty friendship.

I cried cried cried when we hung up.  So mad at myself for bringing
such drama to things, and I'm not even a drama person!

I feel significantly better after having slept (I hope you do too).

I have a single request: please please please please please please
come to SWUUSI.

It will be the intergalactic planetary best fun you'll have all summer.

	With Love
	- Rob!

declassified 1 January 2004.