Entries this day: AM Marta_janette Marta_parents Plano_lockin Religion

AM

10:35am CDT Friday 2 August 2002

Today Marta and I are going to see signs by M Night Shyamalan(sp). Then we're going to say HI to her dad and dinner with him because today is his birthday. Then to Plano church for a YRUU lockin tonight! Whoo!

Marta janette

6:30pm CDT Friday 2 August 2002

I'm in an interesting quandry sorta with Marta and Janette. I told Marta I would go to the Bibby's on August 5th. Then I emailed Janette and asked what time I should come on the 5th. She said 1am. Hmmm. I wonder if I can leave late on August 4th and still have Marta happy with me. Weird.

From Janette
Date 3pm Saturday 3 August 2002

what i mean is: if you are coming on aug. 5th, then let the show begin
as soon as aug. 5th does. you asked what i preferred.Ê i imagine you
arriving in the cool and stillness of the wee hours of the nite,no
traffic from denton, something wierd on the radio, coasting to a stop
in front of my quiet cozy house, taking off your clothes and sliding
into bed next to me. that's my preference.  i need to work at my notso
favorite job sometime on monday and tuesday and the rest of the week
actually.Ê i'm thinking of going in today to get a head start on
stuff. i don't know what your plans are but i'm good with whatever
happens. i'll be glad to see you whenever i see you. we can be
intimate or just hang out as friends,whatever you are comfortable
with.

8:04pm Saturday 3 August 2002

Yesterday, Marta received a phone call inviting her and me to go out with peeps on Saturday (today). We did not get the message until today because we attended a YRUU lock-in at Plano church (tons of fun!!!!). Today Marta got the message, called her peeps back and it turns out that the date has been moved to tomorrow (Sunday). In Dallas. In the PM. So I was all, "I'll just go to the Bibby's afterward." So I'll be there sometime on Sunday night. That's tomorrow. I don't know what time. Right now I'm interested in intimacy; I'd like to play it by ear moment by moment.

Marta parents

6:22pm CDT Friday 2 August 2002

Just finished dinner with Marta's dad's first birthday this year. He was born on August 2nd, but the doctor writing the birth certificate would only write them once per week, so he put the date as August 6th.

We ate at Fazolli's, an italian fast food place. They didn't have a lot of customers; I wonder if their business is going to lose it like the K-Mart etc in the same shopping center.

Wow. The radio in Dallas is all talking about the new football team in Houston. Featured a clip from Marvin Zindler saying his name and "Eyewitness News," but it sounded like he was asleep or sick. I don't say wow to Marvin Zindler being sick, but I didn't know he would be featured on Dallas news. Or the new Houston team. The Texans, right? Hmm. Football is dumb.

Now we're driving to Marta's mom's house and will attend the lockin after that. Yay lockin and Silent Football! Silent Football rules.

7:12pm

Marta's parents are relatively more entertaining than her dad. Maybe her dad was just tired, but these two are oodles more animated. Very interesting.

They have a wooden puzzle, which is apparently a prototype for a puzzle which will be released sometime this year. The prototype is wood and quite lovely. The production model will be plastic.

Plano lockin

3:57am CDT Saturday 3 August 2002

We just played Sardines and then Mafia. In the first game of Sardines, we were all hiding in the spot and waiting for others who we thought were coming, but were already there. Finally we counted off and discovered we had been there with everyone for about 5 minutes!

Marta was last to find that group, so she hid next. It took us a long time to find her. Kate finally discovered her by stepping on her behind the chairs on the stage in the sanctuary. It took so long for the last three people to find us that Simon bonked a note and then a fake chord on the piano to give hints.

Mike was last, so he hid. He was discovered in the chairs way in the back of the hallway after not too long. I was last to discover the group.

We turned the lights on to take a pee break, during which time I discovered a closet in the men's restroom. Sean was in there at the same time as me when I checked it. I was all, "I just found my new hiding spot." When it came time to play, Sean "discovered" me pretty quickly, though it took him two tries to get in without anyone noticing. We hid in the closet of the men's restroom for 1 hour without being discovered. We counted six times that people checked the men's restroom. We were only discovered by Mike once everyone else gave up and turned the lights on. The length of our game kept anyone from wanting to play Sardines again.

After a break we held a worship led by Kate with apparent help from Jackie. We shared times when we broke through barriers/fear to meet people.

Then we played Mafia. The first round I was god and chose three mafia members and 1 commissioner out of 10 players. The mafia won handily even though at the very end when the mafia chose to kill of the last townsperson, I as god declared everyone awake except for Kate, who was one of the mafia. I did it cause it was funny, and to see the mafia members reactions. They all did an excellent job; no one gave themselves away. At that point it was two mafia members and 1 townsperson awake. Not surprisingly, the townsperson was voted out.

Next game I was 1 of two mafia and quickly I was the only mafia with like 5 other townspeople and I won. Except that when only Sean and I were alive, and he was townsperson and I mafia and we both went to sleep, and mafia woke up and I killed Sean, we both woke up and God declared me dead instead of Sean.

Fair enough.

- - - -

Now we're going to play Silent Football.

5:46am

We played an excellent game; three two way worm holes and a two way word hole between Marta and Leigh. The wormholes worked well again, and the word hole was not used a whole lot, but when it was used it was pretty funny.

The word hole works like this: When one member of the word hole raises his/her hand, the player at the other end of the word hole must speak as if they were the player who raised his/her hand. If the player errors in speech, the player for whom they were speaking is liable for the error.

Names:
Leigh: Butch Thong Hopper
Jackie: Jackie Beautiful
Marta: Queen Marta Pie
Kate: Lovely Lila
Phil: Phil
Meagan: Mill
Sean: Sean
Mike: Kevin

Kevin lost in a glorious run of three occurrences of "he" one of "his" one of "it" Excellent stuff.

Phil kept stealing the ball from the other end of his wormhole.

I was in a two way wormhole with Kate, so she got to start most of the rounds.

Marta and Leigh were the first two people to ever be in a word hole. It had been conceptualized in SWUUSI, but today is the first time we had ever used one for real.

Phil and Kevin were at opposite ends of a wormhole, Lovely Lila and I were on opposite sides of a wormhole, Queen Marta Pie and Butch Thong Hopper were on opposites ends of a wormhole. Jackie Beautiful, Sean, Mill were all not in wormholes.

Religion

1:12pm CDT Friday 2 August 2002

Back in my early queries of the nature of God, I heard someone say, "what if Christianity is correct? wouldn't it be sad to go to hell just because you didn't believe the Bible?" or something like that. This line of reasoning scared me into being/wanting to be Christian for a while - a few months maybe. I dunno. That was during high school I think.

What really first made me question the Christian myth was that everyone was saying they were the chosen people, and that everyone else was going to hell. In my mind, this is ridiculous. There must be an empirical way (if that's the correct term) to determine who are the chosen people.

Even so, I reasoned that there shouldn't be a chosen group on some basis of external qualities or associations; if anything it would have to be an internal willfull choice that a person could make to determine if God would like him/her or not.

This line of reasoning could be extended to validate the Christian faith. "God loves those who accept and trust Jesus as their Lord and Savior."

The problem I have with the above statement as the requirement to be accepted by God is that it presumes that everyone will hear the statement to even have a chance to believe it. Some people trust that "missionaries" will spread the word, giving everyone at least one chance to believe their statement.. but how ridiculous is that to believe that some group of people who has lived in a jungle/desert/island/mountain for thousands of years will be greeted by a person bearing the Christian belief at least once per human generation (so that each individual in the group will hear the message)? And that one missionary could sway the belief of hundreds of people? Why would a stable group choose to switch up all their beliefs? In some cases missionaries are 'successful' in their attempt. I don't believe they can realistically spread their Word to everyone in the world.

- - -

I saw a church marquee that shifted my thoughts further. It read something like, "Love does not keep a record of others' mistakes." It was outside a baptist church way out in the country somewhere.

I thought, "aww, that's nice. Love does not keep a record of others' mistakes..." and I rolled the phrase through my head a few times, feeling it, testing it. Then I remembered something else I have heard *many* times: "God is love."

You may see where this is going. Now, obviously, these statements (at least the marquee) are not written in The Bible, so someone who believes The Bible is the Holy Inerrant Word of God would say, "but that was just a marquee written by a human."

But I see the huge mathematically proveable fallacy: God is Love. Love does not keep a record of others' mistakes. Therefore God does not keep a record of others' mistakes. However, according to Christian belief, God does judge us when we die.

I suddenly recognized I had discovered a paradox. It can be explained away by saying that we don't understand the mind of God, but I don't buy that. I think the mind of God is exquisitely simple, not full of paradoxes.

In trying to discern the truth, I focused on a belief I still held as true: God is Love. God is Love. I also have a belief that God is the universe, or that the universe is part of God, therefore God is everywhere. Therefore love is everywhere. The love of God is everywhere, all the time, forever and ever. Hmmm.

If God is Love, and Love is everywhere, then I believe two things further:

1) God does not judge me (because God is Love)

2) Even if God did judge me, God cannot reject me. (notice the word 'cannot') There is no place I can exist without God being there. If there is such a place where God does not exist, then God is not everywhere, and therefore is not God.

Now, it *is* possible for me to ignore God's presence. I have free will and am therefore able to ignore God. But it cannot and does not happen the other way around. God is always aware of me and always loves me.

If I truly love someone, I accept all their parts. God is the Universe is God. God is love. I can do *anything* I want and God will still love me.

So, wait wait wait. I can do *anything* and God will still love me? Yep.

I can kill someone and God will still love me? Yep.

I can kill 5000 people and God will still love me? Yep.

How does that work? I think this is where something called karma comes in.

- - - - - chapter two - - - - -

There was a period in my life where I experimented with lucid dreaming (being asleep, and dreaming, yet being conscious that I was asleep and dreaming). I had a goal of being able to project my consciousness into the astral plane - to be consciously awake yet outside of my body.

I was able to lucid dream relatively frequently. I can describe techniques if you are interested, or you can look them up online of course.

One time I was sleeping, and I realized I was dreaming. I noticed that my legs were literally above my head, like I had been folded in half. I felt a bit frightened; my legs had never done that before; was I broken?

Then I realized my non-physical legs were outside of my physical body. They were projected out of me. I allowed my consciousness to leave my body more completely. My non-physical body floated upward, but I basically seemed stuck at my head. I couldn't get my astral/spirit head out of my physical head. I relaxed and felt my body slowly reintegrating with my physical body. The process was slow and steady and vibrationally electric feeling. Very smooth transition, and I was quite conscious the entire time through the reintegration.

I lay there in my bed for a moment to store the experience carefully in my mind. Once I had recalled the entire experience I slightly moved a single physical toe. The sensation was that of toe touching my bedsheet in such a way that I knew my physical body had not moved for a long time.

What this experience meant to me is that I can exist outside my physical body. Okay, so I had not been able to get my head out, but I fully believe that with practice I'll be able to do this as well.

What this means to me is I have a consciousness that exists even without my physical body. I will continue to live after my physical body dies.

- - - - - - - - - Chapter Three - - - - - - - -

In 1997 or so, I met a man named Joe McMoneagle. He has served in the army, had an experience that made him decide not to kill people for a living, left the army (at least the killing part) and is now a professional remote viewer.

I got to meet him because I was at The Monroe Institute, an organization dedicated to using audible signals to help people reach alterred states of awareness. I had a goal of learning how to astral project.

Joe is/was a friend of Robert Monroe, the man who started the institute (and who has since died (physically)). While at the institute, we participants got to meet Joe and hear his story.

Joe McMoneagle is a well built man, who seems quite centered in his Self. I capitalize this word to indicate something greater than just the ego, a manifestation of the physical body. He doesn't seem larger than life. He just seems fully alive and at peace.

The sense I got when he spoke with us is that he was telling the complete truth as he was aware of it. He was fully open to telling us anything about himself. The only things he would not tell us were those that were classified as Secret by the government, or by the company for whom he was doing work.

Joe told us a story about his days in the Army. I will tell a short version here. He was in Germany, in a bar. He had something to drink and then felt sick. He walked out of the bar to get some fresh air, tripped on the steps but caught himself before he fell. He felt better, but then noticed something. It was raining outside, and the rain drops were passing through him. He looked around and noticed something else. His body was collapsed outside the steps of the bar.

His friends rushed to his aid and took his body to a hospital. Joe followed along, memorizing as many details as he could. Eventually he became bored with the scene, and felt it diminishing away from him. He found himself in a place of complete Peace and Love.

There were beings before him. They were with him as he witnessed all the details of his life in exquisite precision and awareness (life flashing before one's eyes). He was able to see how his actions affected others around him in his life. He witnessed everything from start to finish (I didn't ask him what he meant by the start. conception? birth? awareness of self?) in super high technicolor and awareness. This seemed to all flash by in a brief moment.

The being with Joe took the 'contents' of Joe's life and said, "you don't need this anymore," and released it.

There was no judgement of Joe's life (except possibly any judgement that Joe brought to it). No one who said, "that was good, that was bad" etc. All was pure and total Love.

So Joe realized he was dead. He had just relived his life, and that was it. But then he was being sent back to his body. He couldn't resist. He was simply sent back even though he really enjoyed the Love all around him.

Back into his body, he sat up (much to the surprise of the nurse) and just grabbed the pen from her coat pocket and began to write down everything he possibly could about the experience.

- - -

After Joe's story, I asked a question. "The next time you die, not that I want you to die anytime soon, do you think you will rexperience your life from the beginning again?"

He answered immediately. "No. At least I didn't. I had a second near death experience."

Everyone in the room nearly gasped at this revelation. Joe said that he didn't die the second time because he had no fear whatsoever of dying. He had had a major heart attack, but remained completely calm for the 45 minutes it took to get him to the hospital. His calm attitude is quite likely what kept him alive.

- - - - - - - - - - Chapter four - - - - - - - - -

Karma

There seem to be some consistent laws in the world and possibly throughout the universe. I've heard that gravitational attraction is pretty consistently followed throughout the universe. And this constant speed of light thing, and other measurements that seem to be constant and follow predictable graphs... You know what I'm talking about: the "laws of physics."

So what if there are other levels of reality? Realms different than the physical realm, like the emotional plane, and the astral plane, and the ethereal plane... I believe we exist on these planes as well, but we have only really become aware of the physical plane, and a bit aware of the emotional plane.

If these other planes exist, it makes sense to me that there would be some laws to describe how energy moves around on these planes.

There have been experiements done that suggest plants can be affected by our emotions. this link doesn't really indicate this, but it's in the right direction: http://www.thebigholistic.com/products/kirlian/kirlian2.htm

My point is that what if there is a field in the emotional plane that has the equivalent of a north and a south magnetic poles? What if the poles are called love and fear? would it be possible that there are "laws" saying that love attracts love and fear attracts fear? or a law that says love is helpful, fear is not helpful?

I dunno. But I don't see why there can't be some sort of laws in the emotional plane.

From what I can tell, my life seems happier and more fun when I love myself and others.

- -

Oh, oh, oh, I've got a good law for emotions: Fear is sticky, Love releases.

Examples:

* I hold things (people, possessions, concepts) close to me if I am afraid of 'reality' or change.

* "If you love someone, set them free"

* If I fear change, I hold close to what I perceive as my preferred reality

* If I'm in peace and love in my heart, I free myself from being affected by changes around me

Maybe those are the basic laws of Karma.

If through fear and anger I kill or otherwise dramatically affect another's life, then their spirit/soul gets stuck to mine, bringing them back into my life later, maybe in a future life.

If I, through love, forgive the wrongs of another, that releases them into freedom, unsticking our spirit/souls.

------------ Chapter Five --------------

Dharma

I believe that we each come to earth with some sort of mission, or thing(s) we are meant to accomplish. This may be stuff like what type of life to experience, who to marry, what profession to achieve, where to live, who to help, who to be hurt by, Brain capacity, body type, sexual preference, city of birth, etc etc etc

Maybe some people have a task of creating a huge thing for the world. Maybe some people are supposed to just walk the earth. Maybe some people will share stories and wisdom with others. Maybe some people will work as social service for the community.

Some will invent a new mathematics; some will invent a new invention; some will teach games; some will play games.

Each life has a purpose (or two, or a thousand) that it may fulfill in a lifetime. There is no real punishment for not fulfilling a purpose; an opportunity will be created later for that purpose to be fulfilled.

I think that at each moment, we are able to choose actions. Some actions are guided by love and move us closer to fulfilling helpful meaningful things, freeing ourselves and others to be one with God. Some actions are guided by fear, binding our souls and spirits and emotions to non-permanent objects and egos and concepts.

I'm just beginning to conceive ideas around Dharma, open to allowing myself to live life in love as much as possible.