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Ben in Kyrgyzstan

11:30am CST Tuesday 25 February 2003

My friend Ben Horne from KTRU (one of the cooler DJs there) is in Kyrgyzstan!

From: Ben Horne 
Date: Wed Feb 19, 2003  06:10:14  US/Central
Subject: another address

Dearest Friends, life in Kyrgyzstan is really good. 

So I have a ANOTHER new address (see below). It is because I changed
universities. This is for a bunch of reasons but primarily because the
guy I was working for (the University president) is a Soviet holdover
who thought he could oppress people with his richness. Props to peace
corps for representing and supporting me on this switch.

Obviously if I wanted a part of corruption and a power struggle I
would have stayed in the states and begun licking boots there. I guess
if the entire Kyrgyz country was like that, it would be a different
story, but in my analysis, this place is not so bad. The only real
problem is poverty and therefore, in my analysis, the solution is NOT
helping rich people get richer. 

There is still soviet influence and thinking (especially in the
government) but rarely, if ever have I met a man so selfish and money
minded as this man- and I dealt with the Rice U athletics dept. So I
guess, yeah, I have a problem obeying authority in general, so it's
not all his fault, but watching the poor get stomped on my corrupt
money does not make my top 10 favorite activities list.


So I auditioned at other places, and it turns out, (this is so absurd)
I am now teaching in the MBA program at the top academy in the
country. Absurd first because I don't have an MBA, or even want
one. Secondly because my principles are firmly set against big
business. But good business means the stopping of corporate
oppression, so teaching people basic _moral_ management principles and
economic policy is honestly something this country needs. If my
utopian plan works, I will help to will create a generation of
businessmen interested in the well being of the population as a whole,
not only their own wallets. This country's economy needs serious
growth to meet basic needs, so I am banking strongly on trickle-down.


I am teaching at the "Kyrgyz Academy of Management Under the
President", econonomics and Business English- business english being
primarily how to run a business meeting (I managed KTRU meetings,
right- I can teach this), make appointments (I own a pocket organizer)
how to interact (I would rate my hand-shaking ability above average),
negotiate (Rice athletic dept) etc. The truth is I know nothing about
business or English, making me vastly underqualified. But my passport
is blue, and I have a lot of self-confidence, and those two things
work together to make the situation.


I am vastly more comfortable teaching how to dress for a hip hop show
or a camping trip than how to dress for success but I have since been
wearing a suit and acting like I know what I am doing. I assure
everyone this external conformity of the tie and button-down in no way
diminishes my inner strides for understanding and freedom. (or at
least I'm convincing myself of that as I begin my own spiral toward
white-collar corruption.)


On the side I am also teaching at American University of Central Asia
(which coincidentally is the best undergraduate place to study), US
history as well as American Music Culture.Ê My greatest qualifications
being a DC residence and a CD collection, respectively. The great
benefit is hearing perspectives from people from all across the
region- Afghanistan, Turkestan, Turkey, and all, even Iran-and I have
not yet met a single one who supports war efforts with Iraq.


Really, peace corps in a capital city is life not a whole lot
different than normal, in some sense. Bishkek is like a big college
campus, and I am running around a lot of places doing all kinds of fun
stuff. It's wicked interesting, and I really hope we don't get
evacuated should world unrest happen. Honestly I'd much rather be
here than in DC; Kyrgyzstan is calm and safe and not at all a player
in world politics.


I am also involved with the government, as a consultant to both the
ministry of education and the ministry of labor.Ê My qualifications
there being that I have higher education and my mom was once in labor
with me, plus that I can say "government" in Russian and English
both.


Also I've become involved with a local hip hop group which is
charting wellÊ (this week they beat Eminem and Nelly on the Bishkek
hip hop radio rankings). They are called the AP clan (AP meaning Asian
Power, not associated press), and they rap in Kyrgyz, Russian and
English.Ê I rap mostly in English, but my Russian and Kyrgyz are
coming fast. Basically my qualification for this group is that I once
saw the Wu-tang clan in concert, ostensibly making me cool.


I have also been talking to and working with some other local NGOs
that work with press freedom, my qualification here being that I once
wrote an opinion column for the Thresher, my college newspaper.


And so other than that I have been learning to cook (from eating raw
beans 2 months ago my skills have rapidly developed) with only basic
ingredients and no ready made flavorings or papa johns. 


And playing a lot of basketball, maybe 5 times a week, and I dare say
that my skill level has surpassed my high school days (I think if I
were on the team again now I may have gotten off the bench maybe 3
whole minutes per game).


And of course the mountains. I have purchased and entire head to toe,
real, legitimate North Face gore-tex outfit straight from china for
100 bucks, about 12% of its retail value.Ê And some crampons. Climbing
season begins in 2 months, and scores of peaks between 12,000 and
16,000 feet are less than 15 miles from my soviet housing block. Think
50 mount Raniers, all accessible on a 2-day trip, right outside your
door.ÊÊ So far it's just been day hikes through the foothills in
the snow, with 2 minor peaks, but I can't wait for the spring. 


I actually went skiing once, solely for the reason that I cannot think
of anything more that terrifies me more after I bit it hard for 15
stitches in the face at Whistler last year. Honestly my goal was to
make it through the day without an emergency room visit. 


That was an interesting experience in that the lift is a rope you
throw over a cable and let it drag you as you ski UP the
mountain. Needless to say I wiped out more frequently than I was
successful making it up.


As far as safety goes, when my binding malfunctioned the lift
supervisor said there were no more skis in my size. He asked me if I
was a good skier. I distinctly said "NYET". He said, he thought
I was pretty good and that I should just borrow his personal skis, a
freestyle pair (yes, I know the word "freestyle" in Russian. It
is pronounced "freestyle"). He said they were great for doing
360s and jumps. I said I didn't need to do jumps, I just needed to
go slow and stop. He said the only disadvantage of freestyle skis is
that it is impossible to stop, but that I would have no problem.Ê At
this point I was growing nauseated, but I knew this was a fear I had
to confront, so he launched me on to the top lift, and up I went all
the way to the top.Ê I made use of speed control by constantly
falling. Unfortunately one time the ski came off, and indeed, they do
not stop. So I skied (fell/ slid) halfway down the mountain on one
ski. Then I was relieved to learn that the lift was closing early for
the day and I was still alive.


Rock over Bishkek.Ê Okay, here's my NEW address –parentheses my
additions, followed by a not-too-inaccurate account of my relationship
with my old University. It was written in a time of extreme sarcasm,
and in no way is representative of Kyrgyz People in general, who are
for the most part very hospitable and likable.


Kyrgyzstan

Bishkek 720040

Panfilova Street 237

Academy of Management under the President (of Kyrgyz Republic)

Benjamin Horne

(Kyrgyzstan)


(note: not a transcript, but a summary of 6 weeks of negotiations and
oppression at that academy. Okay I have taken a few liberties, but the
details requests and commands he makes are actually all true. The only
thing I exaggerated is the actual bluntness of language involved in
the exchange)


MY RECTOR : you must stay at this academy 48 hours a week. 

ME: Uh, I like this place but my contract says I will only teach 20
hours. In general I have a real personal problem with mundane daily
routine and lack of freedom. It would be better if we followed what my
contract says. I would be really happy.


HIM: I am a soviet and I think it's important for you to spend the
remainder of the time sitting in an office staring at the wall.


ME: I can help the country a lot more if (in my free time of course) I
go work with an NGO of two, and maybe meet with some officials to
discuss issues. I promise not to miss a single minute of my
classes. I'm a reasonable man...


HIM "I exercise wild authority." (note: an actual quote)You will
do what I tell you. Didn't our academy purchase you from the Peace
Corps?


ME: Hmm, the US government pays for my food, stipend, loan deferment,
medical care, transportation, etc, so it's not exactly like you own
me. My Peace corps job description and contract specifically say I
should have time free from my university to do other projects with the
community. It would be more beneficial overall for the country as a
whole. I am obviously not helping anyone by being chained to my desk. 


HIM: My child, my child, this is Kyrgyzstan. I am a very wealthy man
with a Japanese toilet and magnetic soap in my posh apartment
(true). Who must I pay off to make you do what I want? 


ME: you can't pay anyone, you slimy corrupt egoist. Obviously I am
not motivated by money, hence the fact that I'm a volunteer. I will
arm wrestle your ego right now, toe to toe.Ê Humility is a virtue I
haven't fully learned yet, and unfortunately for you, wealthy men
on power trips are my #1 target.


HIM: you are wrong, and very young and naive.Ê The only worthwhile
people are old and experienced; people your age generally polish my
shoes. Here, write this recommendation letter for me so I can go on
this program to America. Then sign and date it with the name of my
colleague.


ME: "{the best line from Rage Against the Machine "killing in
the name of"}"


HIM: yes, you WILL do what I tell you. And when you are finished come
here and give me and my family private English lessons


ME: Are you kidding me? You are picking the wrong American to try to
exert your will, you close-minded commie.Ê You are not the first
tyrannical university administrator I have tangled with.Ê I will bring
the ruckus and lead these students in a rebellion to firebomb your
Japanese toilet. 


HIM: It's too late, I just paid off some key people. You are
officially my slave. Live in fear. Or I will make you work Sundays
too. You stupid Americans think you can get what you want just because
you have "education". 


ME Ok I will quit. Yeah, take that you big bully.

HIM : How?

ME: I'll just find a new University-it's actually not that hard,
I will say-" uh, I will work for free- do you want me?"


HIM You think you're a hotshot, don't you kid, Well now instead
of teaching students, why don't we cancel some of your classes so
you can give me personal interview pointers. 


ME: I think you need general "respect for people" pointers, you
oppressive czar.Ê I just interviewed and auditioned with another
school.Ê They treat me, the other teachers, and the students with some
modicum of respect, unlike your mini-kingdom here. I am starting there
tomorrow.


HIM: How is that possible, isn't my money good enough for you?
Look, I have auto-flush. 3 bidet settings.Ê Electronic sensors that
conform to your contours. Custom seat-heating. Take what I have
offered you graciously and bow down.


ME: Sorry, I'm too fueled by aggressive rap and eddie vedder's
angsty rebellious days, kingpin. I would rather starve than eat your
bread. Take a look at the people living in ghettoes all around, that
DON'T have maids and an SUV. Guess why I came here-not to make you
even richer. Later skater. This penitentiary ain't the place for
me.



So I don't think I misrepresented that. Hope you enjoyed this
latest book. Stay True. Tell me what's gone down. One Love.



 Ben



"under communism, man oppresses man, but under capitalism, it's just
the opposite."

No work today!

11:19am CST Tuesday 25 February 2003

Yahoo!

I need the money, but I might as well be happy with a snow day off from work! Soon as Janette gets off the phone we'll go for a walk in the icy outdoors.

Park

2:25pm CST Tuesday 25 February 2003

Slid over to the park where a guy with a mini snowboard (plastic skateboard with no trucks) was being pulled by someone with a rope.

Josephine's friend Jeremy also had a snowskateboard; we slid down a small hill with it some times for pretty good entertainment. Janette went back and got a cookie pan (the round one I gave to her), which was sturdy enough almost, but not quite the best suited for sliding on snow since it has holes in it.

The trickiest trick I did at the park was sliding down the spiral slide and shooting out the bottom onto my butt. Oh, and the coolest trick I did was jump out of a swing and slide across the ice. The coolest thing I did not try was sliding off the roof of the pool house onto the ice. I chose not to pursue anything higher than jumping off the public phone, since I slipped backwards when I landed.