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10:32pm JST Friday 11 April 2003

(my chopsticks pulled apart perfectly)

On the way home from work I rode with Olivia on the trains. Olivia recently purchased a new bicycle and really promoted having a bike. She loves it.

As she sped away on her bike I was left with myself. No bike. Why don't I have a bike? Is it better to send my bike over here from Dallas or to get one here? Why don't I just go get one? (money) Why don't I just go jump online for a sec and upload my entries? (Money) Why don't I just get internet access at the apartment? (don't know how much MONEY it will cost) Grr grr grr grr

Why am I so stuck on money?

Partially I'm money-blind right now. I don't seem to know how much is in my account at home; I don't know how much is in my account here. I don't know how my money here will get home and how many US $ my yen will become. Am I wealthy here? Am I going to be able to pay off my debt in a year, save up enough $ to travel to Singapore when I'm done, romp around Europe after that, pay for private Japanese language tutoring, eat at the sushi train, drink a liter of orange juice every night, get internet access here at the crib?

Go see Eminem?

Buy more memory for my computer?

What are my priorities?

Why did I originally come to Japan? (It all started when I decided I want to be paid to lead youth group tours around the world. I called a company and they asked if I had in-country experience. I didn't have it. I decided to live in Japan for a year so that I could call them back and say "yeah, I've lived in Japan for a year, and I know Japanese; I know the culture.")

So that makes me think learning Japanese oughta be a priority for me.

Priorities:
learn Japanese

Why am I working in Japan? To pay off the debt I've accumulated while driving around the country. So that makes working slash making money slash winning in pachinko parlors a priority

Priorities:
learn Japanese
make some bling bling

- - - -

I talked to Janette and felt much better after that. It seems that I'm money-blind right now; I don't know what resources I have available. I don't seem to be Zen enough to just say meh; I still want to pay off my debt, and I still want to see Eminem. And Japan.