Entries this day: Comfort_vs_Healing Nevermind Today anti-study_techniques

Comfort vs Healing

10:45am JST Tuesday 9 December 2003

From my dear Maggie:

  Comfort vs. Healing - 
Comfort feels good.  Comfort can be found quickly and applied at
request to where we hurt most.  But there's a big drawback to comfort,
it requires something outside of ourselves.  Comfort covers our wounds
so we don't have to look at them and we can pretend they're not there.
Comfort may even find a way to trick us into thinking the wound is
gone.  However, since comfort requires an outside source, when the
outside source is gone, we learn that the wounds are still there,
sometimes even worse than before the comfort.  So we typically look
for comfort again hoping for the oblivion, even if it will only be
temporary.  Healing is hard.  Healing takes work and can not be found
quickly.  Healing is a force of our will to make a wound whole again.
Healing takes time and the healing process can feel worse than the
wound sometimes.  Healing has to be done without an outside source
(aside from God, who is really a force that works within us, I think)
The good news about healing is that when we've undergone our process,
the wound is gone, for real.  Some people seek comfort and some people
seek healing.  You get to choose.  My Friend, I think that it is
within you to heal your pattern with women, but it may be more
difficult since women are such a source of comfort to you.

Nevermind

11:00am JST Tuesday 9 December 2003

I was working on my drawing when I got a page from janette, "nevermind," the previous page for which had been "pls call me," and I was like hh hh hh and called her anyway. Almost a mistake, but we made it good in the end. This work of honesty is really hard and rewarding.

I may go back to Austin to work on this chaos within me.

Today

4:42pm JST Tuesday 9 December 2003

I hung out with あつこ at the かわ for a few hours, studying and helping her study and talking about みき and janette. She (Atsuko) is definitely of the camp that I should stay in Japan. Hmm. Hmf.

Now I'm at home and have found that I can't study very well with Eminem blasting on my stereo. Not so surprising I guess.

anti study techniques

12:59am JST Wednesday 10 December 2003

One goal was to get good headway done on my studying. I'm keen (*) on learning the kanji for these words; kanji are easier than I expected for me to learn, but I don't have a kanji stroke order dictionary. I looked up the stroke order for 食 of 食べる and the dictionary I found showed an order I would not have predicted, so much so that I wanted to find another dictionary to confirm it. I didn't find another dictionary for that kanji, but I did find a different dictionary for a diffferent kanji that the first dictionary had and they show slightly different stroke orders. Dammit.

食 from http://www.yamasa.cc/

海 from http://www.yamasa.cc/

海 from http://members.aol.com/rtdrpt/kanji/

(images used without permission)

(*) "keen" I picked up from Dan

- - - -

The *point* of this entry is that I didn't actually get any real studying done, but felt just bluh after being online for so long and then realized I should have just stuck with hiragana to practice the verb conjugations which is what I wanted to actually practice anyway. Oh well. I'm going to nap for a bit (?) and then study in the morning.

Ooh progress: The cat on AOL says the stroke order may not be correct. Money (**)

(**) I picked up "money" from Frank. Dammit.