Entries this day: AM Narita_Express airport back_home_on_N'EX fuji-Q_images now_what

AM

2:26pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

Slept a bit late today. Helped janette work on the quilt she's made for me; cutting the little strings that will turn into fuzzy balls over the years.

We both chatted with Dan; had kindof a family hang out after he got home from kindergarten and showed off the suit and mask he made with the kids for some festival or ceremony they'll do soon.

Sad to see janette go soon.

- - - -

I have to admire janette for shifting from my room (with only me) to the living room so we could include Dan in the final conversations. I was being.. selfish but didn't even realize it. Or more like I was just being wherever janette was and thereby unthinkingly not including Dan. I'm glad she noticed and moved.

Narita Express

3:38pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

Taking the Narita Express from Yokohama to Narita costs 4000 yen each. We get assigned seats and zoom to our destination in 90 minutes. There's also (I believe) a restroom on the train. Yay. And a smoking area. Boo.

janette is taking measurements of my wallet so she can make me a new one, faster, stronger, more powerful than the one before. This wallet that she's replacing is the one I bought at the 100 yen store with ここ back in the day. (Damn. I've got "back in the day" stories here in Japan.)

I've made a .avi copy of one scene from Dirty Third II. I'm going to send it to Fred. (g- it's a secret so forget you read that.)

4:27pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

Ooh weird. I was just trying to figure out how to adjust how big the panes are on finder and I discovered the Universal Access icon in System Preferences. Zoom is pretty fun (for a while) and now I've got my screen set to negative colors.

airport

6:46pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

Bye bye です。

"There's a part of me that feels like by breaking up with you, I am now starting my life in Japan. Like now I'm in Japan."

No committment; no obligation. Except for each of us to take care of ourselves in the best way we can.

- - - -

We ate bentos out on the big balcony overlooking the jets. I was like, "HEY! HEY! HEY!!" as a jet roared slowly by. "WE'RE TRYING TO EAT HERE!"

We each spilled a bit of food for the birds. I hope they enjoy it.

back home on N'EX

6:52pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

janette gave me 5000 円 for the trip home.

The woman is yammering in Japanese about drinks and I heard "vanilla ice cream." That's just what I want to have right about now.

7:10pm

I do feel better after ice cream.

Carla wrote to me to ask where I was today and to see if I can do a shift swap (probably this was primary reason for her message) and to say HI.

I told her I was eating ice cream to feel better.

fuji Q images

7:28pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

I've just sorted the pics from Fuji-Q Highland by coaster. I'm a bit tired now and will probably sleep until Yokohama. I hope I won't sleep through the stop.

now what

8:06pm JST Thursday 29 January 2004

Now what do I do? I've just told Carla that I don't need an emergency shoulder to cry on. I'm considering texting Morag to see if I can talk to her tonight; and I'm considering just calling Dan, and my heart (?) leapt with joy (?) when I thought about texting 裕 子, but that just seems so wrong to talk to her immediately. How do I know the difference between following what makes my heart joyful and following what makes my heart joyful?

Um, I mean, okay, I have assumed that it's possible to live a life that is mostly filled with joy - a life that is primarily living for the search and expansion of love and goodness in the world.

I think the way to live that life is to do from moment to moment what my heart says is the right thing to do. If my heart says to dance, then dance. cry, then cry. paint, then paint. Call Yuuko, then call yuuko.

But then I'm like, eep I shouldn't call her because that would just be replacing one woman for another. One external comfort for another. Maybe that's the difference. Internal versus external comforts? .. I think it's more subtle than that.

I shall read from the book janette left me: _If Buddha Dated_.