Entries this day: Hitori TV

Hitori

2:10pm JST Wednesday 14 April 2004

裕子 and I have been hanging out today. We met at Kosugi, grabbed some takoyaki and drinks then went to a big polished marble table by the small river to eat under the cherry blossom trees that have recently lost their blossoms.

Fun times were had.

I was a bit grouchy, no I was pretty much fucking pissed, having to walk to kosugi, and having to walk back to my house (walking with her is fine, but still I want my fucking bike back!!). Came back to my house and cuddled under covers because it's cold today (for some dumb weather-related reason, I'm sure) and went through our pattern of me wanting to snooze-cuddle and her wanting us to be awake.

She said she wanted real talk, and ultimately she got it.

I (as I have been for the past few days) was horny and was like, "おっぱい見せて" and after she was like, "where did you learn that?" (I told her Riki taught me) she was like "だめ" (no) and I was like why (I know the reason) and she's like "I am not your girlfriend."

So we got into a girlfriend discussion and I told her straight up why I can't have a girlfriend right now. Tears were involved, as I described having been engaged to Wende and how I've given up "everything" to come to Japan. My fiance', my house, my car, my job, my beloved youth group.. I didn't even mention my investment club cause it would be too hard to explain in my then state of tears, *and* lest I not mention it again, I've been relieved of my bicycle in Japan!

"I've known you for 5 months. I knew Wende for 5 (make that 7) years [when I broke up with her[. You've got no chance]]."

How do I explain in halfJapanesehalfEnglish why I've chosen this solo adventure when I can't even explain it to myself? I told her that I don't even know how to say it in English, but I want to do something big for the world, and I want to do it alone.

But I don't know what it is.

TV

11:30pm JST Wednesday 14 April 2004

"I'm watchin' it now, look there's a hole in the wall."

"That's the way they get to Florida, with the hot air fuckin' balloon."