Entries this day: Rob_Update_soml

Rob Update soml

2:15pm JST Sunday 10 April 2005

Hey Everyone!

Just a quick note: I was accepted to sail on P-B!! I don't yet know a lot about what it will *really* be like, but I do know we'll be visiting 20 different ports of call, and adding stamps from 14 countries that have never stamped my passport!

Just recently, we (teaching team) that will be on the voyage has begun to meet each other online. A few of us will hang out next Saturday for drinks and orange juice.

However, before my life ventures around the world to wild and crazy places, I'd like to capture a textual snapshot of myself now.

State of My Life Address

1. I've grown up as an upper middle class white male in Houston, Texas. I went to school, got a job, went to more school, got a degree, got a job for more money. I embraced that life at times, and for a while was even engaged to marry my beautiful Wende, who is now my beautiful friend Wende, married to her handsome (and beautiful) Peter.

   But I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't settle my heart. I wanted to climb the pyramids in Giza. I wanted to walk along a Great Wall in China. I wanted to skydive and hang glide and scuba dive.

   I still haven't been to Giza, China, nor skydiving, hang gliding, nor scuba diving.

   So I broke up with my beautiful Wende and discovered my beautiful janette and then discovered that I could teach English in Japan. I chose Japan mostly out of ignorance. I wanted to live in a country slash learn a language that didn't use these letters you're reading now. I wanted crazy letters like ひらがな, カタカナ, and even 漢字. At that time I didn't even know those words, much less how to write them, and even now I have to look up the last two.

   Oops, I'm off track. I wanted to do something difficult. It seems that for my entire life I have wanted to challenge myself, sometimes unnecessarily, and sometimes, possibly, for good reason. But I didn't know which country to choose. Russia? Too cold, I thought, plus it just collapsed. China? Too big, too scary; do they have toilets? Countries south of China? At that time, I couldn't even identify most of them. Japan? Stable economy, stable government, water, toilets.. and they don't hate Americans. Okay. Japan.

2. So I got an English teaching job with Nova, the horrible cattle-herding company that pretends to care about teaching English to its hordes of students. It was a horrible job, and I was super ready to leave Japan after that year. But I realized I wouldn't have given it my all in Japan; I needed to step out and look for a new job, a new apartment. I did both of these things and taught English at Gaba, another English teaching school that is far less like herding cattle, but occasionally has that quality. However, I was far better able to actually teach and make a difference in peoples' lives at Gaba than at Nova.

3. Sometime early in my year teaching at Gaba, Dan sent me a link to Pece Boat and I was like, "wow, I really want to do that."

   I applied, and was rejected. I missed the next voyage because I was like, "grrr fuck you guys." Then I saw these awesome pictures of Hitomi and Naomi with dolphins and I was like, "I have to go. I must sail on P-B."

   I *almost* lost the momentum, and only because Hitomi kept asking me if I had done it, and I didn't feel but basically remembered how much those pictures made me want to go, I got the application in. And I made the first cut. And I made the final cut. And oh my god I am going around the world on PB!!!

So that's a short version of where I am now. More detail:

4. I still see this opportunity as OH MY GOD IT'S AMAZING!!! I see only potential awesomeness; no down sides, no regret. Sure it will be a lot of work, and sure it will even be boring to be in the middle of the ocean seeing nothing but waves for days, but I don't think for an instant I will have a second thought about going. I won't think, "man this wasn't as cool as I thought it would be."

   (( That's the feeling I had when I went to the snow festival in Hokkaido. But before that time I had a preconceived notion of what it would be like. It didn't fit that notion. But for P-B ))

   I don't really have any preconceived notion about what it will be like. I have vague ideas: a big boat; lots of people, water, waves, passport stamps to enjoy, and maybe a few rousing games of Silent Football. If anything, it's Silent Football that could be a let down. Trying to recapture something we had in YRUU won't likely be the same in a completely different set of universal entities.

5. This adventure on P-B *definitely* counts as an unseen door that has opened up for me now that I've moved/lived in Japan. My original idea was to lead youth group tours around the world. I called up a company that does that and they were like, "how much in-country experience do you have?" And I was like, "Ummmmm; I'll call you back." So I moved to Japan to get that in-country experience, knowing full well that "millions of other doors will open up." P-B was one such door.

6. I'm getting tired (12:14am) but there is more.

7. For a moment (or a couple weeks) I wanted to ride my bike back to the US via France. I reduced that trip to riding around Japan. Then I delayed that trip to go help tsunami cleansed areas (but didn't go). Now I'm not going on that trip cause I'll be on P-B. Tomorrow I'm thinking of riding TJ Bike to Hakone. There are plenty of plenty of plenty of reasons not to go. But I want to be able to say I've done it. I want to have ridden to Hakone. It's not really *that* far. 60 km or so.

8. Tonight I watched _Beyond Borders_ starring Angelina Jolie as a woman who is taken by the idea of helping famine devastated areas. The movie was moving and I wonder if I will be that changed after sailing around on P-B?

   We also watched 28 Days Later, which was pretty much a great movie idea, but not taken to its full potential by *any* stretch. Secretly, I want to live through such a devastating moment in earth's history. I want to be one who helps rebuild. I want to start from scratch.

9. Do I really?

   Kim Sawyer says my Birkman test said I like to build my own framework for things. I don't want to start with something that's already been built. I want to start from scratch. That's been true for my website: no Movable Type for me! But, sometimes I give in and use code I don't fully understand and certainly didn't write.

   Off track again.

10. This actually is on track: I think that the universe has a loving creator and that we humans are each part of that creator, each doing our own thing, pretending that we are not forever connected to the creator, pretending that we are not infinite, so that we can experience a sense of desire / want / sadness / ... fear.

    The creator can't experience fear directly, because there is nothing to fear for those who are infinite. But the creator wants the next best thing, which is to pretend, so we run off as variously fearful and fearless humans, doing our own thing, loving, hating, creating, killing, wondering wtf is going on, just so that when we are done, we can collect all the experiences and say, "wow; so *that's* what it could be like to not be infinite."

    An extension of this theory means there is no sin; there are no rules about what we may or may not do. We can do anything: break any imaginable human law a billion times over, and still be doing the right thing: having experiences so we can talk about them later.

    At the same time, I like the idea of karma, which could be something like "we attract what we put out," or even better, though I'm not sure I can argue the idea right now, "Fear is sticky, while Love is releasing."

11. A few more points before I fall asleep:

    We all have choices. I think the people starving around the world have chosen their lives for some reason. To see what it's like to starve. Fair enough. And some people have chosen to see what it's like to go to these places and try to feed starving people. And some people choose to snort cocaine and watch TV and shoot guns in the air and raise children and go swimming and die of obesity. Fair enough.

12. Incredible people on teaching team for P-B: am I in the right league? I don't remember the names for certain yet, but maybe Pat is the one who said he's working on a WWOOF chicken farm and rides his bike around Kyushu and goes camping. I just talk about that stuff and he's doing it! Nicole who I met on my day of interviews, who is far younger than me (26?) and is already going on P-B! Am I a late bloomer? Petra (?) who is somehow associated with people from Bicycle for Everyone's Earth (BEE), a Japanese group that is trying to peoples' raise awareness of environmental issues in Japan and encouraging people to not go to convenience stores because that "convenience" (packaging) is really bad for the environment. And David helped set up a charity in Kumagaya that has recently built a kindergarden in Sri Lanka!! (( And non P-B related awesome people such as Ben Horne was 1/2 of the Ben and Sarah show on KTRU and then taught Music History in an ex-Russian country Kyrgiszkstan that I can't even *spell* plus Ryan McCarthy who took the more courageous step and moved to CHINA instead of Japan just because it was scarier and harder. Goddammit. ))

13. Incredible things we'll learn on P-B. While I'm thinking of ways to use my Rody horses to help teach A and THE, plus ANY, SOME, EVERY, NO, I realize we will be going from port to port discovering places where tens of thousands of people are dying of starvation and hunger and land mines placed by the US government to protect its interests.

14. Before all this P-B thoughts got in my brain, I thought I would go to Santa Monica University to (follow my dad's lead,) get a degree in Spiritual Psychology with an Emphasis in Health and Healing, just because I don't know what else to do.

    Will that even be on my list anymore after I go? Will I want to immediately go again and again as Fred has suggested? Will I forgo coming back to the US for a significantly *longer* period of time? I've not even thought much about going to Maggie's wedding: that was like my deadline to get the hell out of Japan, this country I grow to despise and want to explore more every day. But now it's all P-B.

15. Just what is going to happen?

    I don't know what my life will be like in 45 days. We board PB in T-40 days.

16. I live in Millenium House in Motosumiyoshi, 211-0033 川崎市中原 区木月祇園町9-21-20.

    I plan to leave this apartment before I leave on P-B.

17. I have a Macintosh PowerBook G4 with 667 MHz PowerPC G4 CPU and 1 MB L3 cache and 512 MB SDRAM, running Mac OS X version 10.3.8 on a 27.94 GB hard drive with 5.86 GB available. I'm slowly clearing off my computer's hard drive in anticipation of many photos and videos from P-B.

    For P-B, I recently installed NeoOfficeJ, free software which allows me to edit M$ Word documents.

    The battery on my computer needs to be replaced; it only holds a charge for less than an hour.

    I bought a dual-fan cooler thing to keep my laptop cool. The fan thing plugs into a USB port and works really well.

    I also bought a new case for my laptop. It's made of that cool slow-squishy foam material. I really like it.

18. I have a new digital video camera. Canon DM-FV M20. Bought a non-Canon case for it cause the Canon case was too expensive and had a weak zipper.

19. I'm hungry right now and don't really want to go to the convenience store (BEE) and don't really want to cook right now; I keep thinking I'll go to bed soon.

20. My room is still a mess.

21. I don't have any animals. But I do have TJ Bike and am holding Mimi Bike for Hitomi.

22. Hitomi is my official girlfriend and she is in New York right now, and she is not going on P-B with me, but we'll stay in touch as appropriate.

23. Dan is not yet back in Japan town.

24. Sally has come and gone (along with Jazzy Jasmine and Kelly Kelly) and we had big fun overall and one good friendly discussion and one good not-friendly discussion and have cleared things up to the point that I know I won't marry her.

25. I've been in a bit closer touch with Kellie (tall awesomely cool and friendly Hawaiian-raised woman from Gaba) because she has been inviting me to go hang out with her ever since I told her about P-B.

26. As I have just read 1/2 of the P-B pre-orientation information, I recognize there is a lot lot lot to learn. New concepts like Peace Education which is not just educating about peace, but educating people in a whole different way: through cooperative games instead of competitive games; through shared dialogue that blurs the lines between teacher and student; through other things that do other stuff that I don't remember now.

    I'm wondering if this whole not-just-a-topic, not-just-a-class, not-just-a-school, but whole new education system will radically alter my life.

    I've always considered myself a good teacher. If I know something, and I know what someone else knows, and I know what they want to know, I can work out a path by which they will understand that which they want to know.

    But there is a whole dynamic in there of "I know something you don't." Will I learn a whole new paradigm of teaching that necessarily removes that dynamic?

    Something like blending teaching with Men's group work? That sounds pretty cool right there, and even before reading the packet and realized that Peace Education was a technique more than a topic, I intended to blend Men's group stuff with my classes. Like a four part lesson that reflects the parts of our Monday night meetings: Feeling, Data, Judgement, Want.

    1. feeling: "My name is _____ and I feel ______."
    2. data: grammar
    3. judgement: practice
    4. want: "I want _____ today."

    Where numbers 2 and 3 will be mixed up quite beyond recognition.

27. 1:40am now; I'm really close to losing consciousness.

28. I don't mind if I don't go to Hakone tomorrow because it rains, but I hope I don't piss my whole day away by sleeping too late and just being lazy and afraid to go. (and especially not cause I got stuck on my computer)

1:54am JST Monday 11 April 2005

Good night.