Entries this day: AM_state_of_My_Life_Address

AM state of My Life Address

6:27am IST Monday 10 October 2005

1. I am in Ramallah, a city in Palestine, and have woken up for the second day of two days training before going to pick olives with Palestinian farmers who have requested our support where Jewish settlers may be angry with the Palestinian presence.

2. I have eaten a *lot* of humus recently, but not much in the way of vegetables, and it's evident in my poo.

3. I'm trusting the universe to support me as I'm slowly releasing my belongings. The next big one to let go is my box of letters that I've been toting around but not "using" - I think it's important not to destroy them; they are good for future generations of historians; I'm thankful for the appearance of a good place to store them indefinitely.

4. I have not yet picked any olives, nor met any Palestinian refugees, nor had any real run-ins with Israeli soldiers or Jewish settlers. I don't even know if I'm using correct terminology to describe people in this confused land.

5. We will do another day of training today and then have the option of supporting the olive harvest after that.

6. I am torn between supporting olive harvest for a while and going to see what Palestinian Vision is all about. That's the NGO featuring Ramy who I met with Niveen a couple days ago, all made to click via P/B.

7. I have not made a list of things to do in a while:

   1. get my phone charged
   2. get a phone charger
   3. upload pictures from yesterday
   4. pay credit card
   5. send postcards
   6. finish _if the Buddha dated_
   7. release the book somewhere
   8. make a bookcrossing entry

8. My computer (Macintosh Powerbook G4 titanium / 667Mhz / 512 Meg RAM / 30 Gig HD / 32-bit LCD 1280 x 854 pixel resolution (15 inch?) is going strong, though missing the C key.

   My keyboard is in Dvorak layout, but I'm using it in qwerty mode.

   I like typing qwerty when in qwerty mode.

9. I don't have a girlfriend, fiance', secret lover.

10. I am learning how to release the need for such an angsty wack relationship lifestyle that I've been in, finding my spiritual core via suggestions in _if the Buddha dated_.

11. I know about 4 words of arabic. I don't have clear plans to learn it, though I still think it would be pretty neat to know.

12. There are hints in my brain that I might have done myself a disfavor by giving myself such a short time here in Palestine, but I haven't really discerned where they are coming from.

    My sense is I'm just worried about how I'll be able to survive monetarily in Tokyo for a month before P/B and then for the 52nd voyage. Where will I go after that, and I've basically promised Natalie I will apply for the 54th voyage, and parts of me really want to cause I enjoy her hugs (honestly we've not done more than that (and platonic kisses and bites))..... but I know I need to only apply if it's in my best interest otherwise.

    I love it when she tells me how much she loves my hugs. "Oh Rob, what am I gonna do without your hugs?"

    I love that. I don't want her to be without wonderful hugs.

13. Another woman ( with whom I judge I haven't gotten tooo involved) has given me food and a big closed mouth kiss on the lips, and I can easily see things going farther, but I think it would be a premium disaster in the end.

    However, there is a "however" in my brain. It's something like, "I can just see her and not get sexual;" and "though it's not *likely* she is a perfect match for me, is there any harm in dating for a bit?"

    However, however, I'm pretty sure that if I know I don't want to get way involved, I should not get partially involved, "waiting" for the right person. I will benefit more if I just live my life and get along with myself alone.