Entries this day: Unsettled Very karaoke

Unsettled

3:16pm CST Wednesday 01 March 2006

I'm feeling unsettled. Antsy. Want hugs, or to cry. Don't really know why.

So tempted to seek Saki or Rei, both of whom I saw in the past 10 minutes. But I didn't follow them. Just barely.

Sit. Meditate. (what does meditate mean???)

3:54pm CST Wednesday 01 March 2006

I stood for about 5 minutes in my best version of Tadasana, the standing yoga position that Catherine taught me back in Houston.

I felt finished, opened my eyes, turned to my closet, and opened it.

I thought, "what am I doing?"

Paused a minute, "oh yes, getting the book Shaving the inside of your skull"

Reached into the closet and pulled it out. "Oh, this is We're All Doing Time, a guide to getting free"

Pulled it out and then pulled out the book I sought originally. Began reading _We're All Doing Time_, and find it perfectly applies to what questions I was having. I opened randomly and found answers to "how to meditate".

I have a feeling that a life change is about to begin.

Just wanted to capture it.

Didn't even open _Shaving the inside of your skull_.

Very

4:04pm CST Wednesday 01 March 2006

I was going to call this file something like Summary of my spiritual thoughts, but Summary comes before Unsettled, the name of the other file from today, so I thought

fuck all that.

Okay. I believe we have countless lives; I've experienced parts of about four of my previous lives. One as a pirate, the first mate on this pirate ship where we were on a voyage supposed to be our big payoff, and we got a pile of money and I retired and just lived out my days in debauchery. Another as a oaf of a man, whose job was just to help an old spiritual healer who lived on a mountain. I couldn't even ride the donkey, but just walked down the mountain road with it and the wagon, got supplies on her shopping list, brought it all back. Third one was in the civil war, where I remember leaving my wife in tall flowing black hair and flowing white dress and lots of kids on the porch, having to go to a war I didn't even understand, or know for what we were expected to fight. I was killed by a man who stabbed me with his bayonette in the abdomen, but from behind, on the left side. I recognized him as Forest, a friend of mine from this lifetime. Another life was during a more modern war (Vietnam comes to mind) where my buddy wasn't listening to my instructions, and he got torn in half by the backblast from the gun he improperly loaded.

Ram Dass is a cat who I admire. He seems to have done some stuff that I think I'd like to do. I've not met him yet, but he's on my list.

I used to think meditation required emptying the brain, but part of the book I just read (snippet from We're All Doing Time) talked about body-meditation, where the brain can do any crazy thing it wants, but we just focus on not moving the body.

Hmmm. That's totally new to me, so I thought I should write this before any other new thoughts infect my brain before I've done a data dump of all my spiritual beliefs.

One reason I've never 'done drugs' is that I want to reach that amazing point of awareness just through meditation, with no shortcut methods.

I reject Christianity outright because it doesn't make sense to me. I don't appreciate a God who will dole infinite punishment for finite sin. The idea of Adam and Eve's sin of chowing the apple was only as bad as an infant not listening to his/her parent. They hadn't done anything "wrong" before, they didn't know God as different than a parent or boss, why should they listen to God? Why shouldn't they test their boundaries? One bite = infinite punishment.... preposterous. Unacceptable.

When people ask why I believe I can exist outside my body, I tell the story about how I found myself with my legs folded over my head. I thought "my legs are over my head" then I thought, "wait a minute; my legs can't *do* that!" but they were there, no doubt about it. I recognized my legs were out of my body, and I tried to will myself the rest of the way out, but I seemed stuck at the head. Eventually my body floated back down and rejoined my physical body. Smooth transition and vibrationally and really fuckin' cool.

If my legs can be outside of me, the rest of me can, too.

Plus, they may officially be just anecdotal, but there's a lot of stories about NDE that seem to match, and don't include damnation from other beings.

karaoke

10:59pm CST Wednesday 01 March 2006

Cross Dress Karaoke was tonight. I escaped earlier than it ended officially because the sports bar was getting smokey, but really because I was feeling antsy again, similar to earlier today. Saki came through a couple of times and I like locked on to our high five hello and didn't want to let go, but I did after not too long; what is the huge attraction? Accupuncture? Her smile? Her height?

Wearing my white gown from Jordan, I was on time to karaoke, but not nearly as dolled up as Phil and Carl, er Phillipa and Carla, who stole the show when they walked in an hour+ later wearing dresses and wigs and lip stick plus mascara.

I can think of every excuse not to stay in Yacht Club; I didn't feel comfortable wearing my glasses (so I put on my contacts); don't want to be in the smoke; they don't have any songs I like to sing:

1. "Rabbit Run" Eminem

2. "Business" Eminem

3. "Lose Yourself" Eminem

4. anything at all by Eminem

5. "Baby Got Back" Sir Mix-A-Lot

6. "Paul Revere" Beastie Boys

7. "Eggman" Beastie Boys

8. "New Style" Beastie Boys

9. anything at all by Beastie Boys

10. ...

11. ...

12. ...

13. "The Distance" Cake

They had "Faith" by George Michael, so I sang that.

I want to be the star; I want to be loved; I want I want I want.

So I left, and almost went straight downstairs, but decided to go up to see if stars were visible from top deck.

Akane was visible in the sports gym, so I went in and said HI to her; we're going to walk around, practice Japanese and English, (and scope stars?) in a bit after she finishes her shower.