Entries this day: Do_Today State_of_My_Life Website zzzz_fat_and_happy

Do Today

8:36am JST Monday 24 April 2006 (day 13179)

1. * Check to see how long it will take to ride to meditation place

2. * upload pics from London

3. upload other pics

4. * write about 22nd April

5. * Check to see how long I can stay here

6. * resend email to Lisa N in Tennessee

7. * Get TJ Bike brakes repaired

8. * Write to Laura about my life

   * put it online

9:12am JST Monday 24 April 2006

My measurement on the map shows it's basically 90 kilometers to the meditation center. Not a short ride, but definitely doable in one day.

It is, however, uphill for a lot of that.

If I leave at 7 or 8am, I should arrive on time.

The course starts in the evening, so please come in the late afternoon.

State of My Life

12:13pm JST Monday 24 April 2006 (day 13179)

State of My Life Address

1. Tomorrow I will ride to the meditation center and begin a 10 day silent meditation, 15 hours per day. No reading, no writing, no talking, no killing, no internet, no smoking?, no drinking?, no nothing but chilling for 150 hours in 10 days.

2. I am hoping to gain some sort of insight or amazing experience; I really have no idea what to expect, except what Kentaro told me: "it's really really difficult..." then with a smile: "but you should do it!"

3. I really hope it will change my life; we shall see.

4. 10:34 AM me: my ten day meditation starts tomorrow!
   
    Dude: wow!! that's a long time
     what's the goal with that?
   
   10:35 AM me: it's going to be nuts
     um,,, just to have a mind-bending experience... two of my friends have done it
     one other has done something like it, and they all say it was life-changing
   
   10:36 AM Dude: what kind of results did they report?
   
    me: "It was really really hard, but really really good."
     or some such... nothing specific
   10:37 AM I imagine that....
     it will feel like 3 months on PB... Time goes by at such a strange
     rate. It seems to take a year, but once it's finished it seems to be
     over in a flash.
     People ask, "how was PB?" and I'm like... Um.... um..... it was 3.5
     months of wow on this big cruise ship around the world! No way to
     really summarize it.
   10:39 AM So for just 10 days with NOTHING to do except be inside our
     own mind, trying to focus only on our breathing... it's going to be
     the same. Take forever, but be suddenly over, and the mind will be
     like, wtf just happened????
   
   10:41 AM Dude: wow. sounds cool
     sounds exciting and scary at the same time
     good luck
   
    me: thanks mate
     I am not sure how it will affect me
     and doubly not sure what I can write about it.
     I gots to get writing now
   10:43 AM I'm actually going to use my answer to your question in my journal
     thanks for asking it! I'm trying to capture my brain as best as I can before I go into this thing.
   

5. My message to Laura after she asked several excellent questions:

   Hello LauraDear
   
   Thank you for your message...  :-)  It helps me believe I'm on the right track!
   
   > I wonder:  have you given any thought to the specific
   > question of What God is training you for?
   
   I have given hours and hours and millions of thoughts to what I Am
   Supposed To Do in life,..  if that is what God is training me for,
   then yes.  I've thought about that a lot.  A part of me imagines that
   I will do something big and great, but I have no idea what.  I'm
   hoping the meditation period will bring some insight on that question.
   
   > I was once tempted to
   > think that you were running around trying to avoid responsibility
   > and avoid settling down in a "normal" lifestyle.  I no longer think
   > that (never really did, just wondered what was driving you).
   
   Back in like 1992, I decided I wanted to have a career that involved
   travel and working with youth.  I found US Experiment, an organization
   that sends youth to various countries for a couple weeks in the
   summer.  I thought I would be a perfect leader for such trips, given
   all the work I had done with youth programs at my church.  When I
   contacted US Experiment, they were like, "which countries have you
   lived in, and are familiar with their culture?" etc etc, and I was
   like, "um...   I visited Australia for 10 days in 2001!"
   
   So I decided I needed "in-country experience."  I could go live
   somewhere for a year, come back, call up US Experiment and be like,
   "I've lived in ____ for a year!"
   
   At the same time, I knew "other doors" would be opened for me, though
   I had no idea what.
   (Peace Boat is one example of that)
   
   > Is God calling you for something?
   Not like Joan of Arc voices, but I hope that I'm doing something that
   will seem worthwhile when I look back on it, (perhaps when I meet God
   once I'm done here on earth).
   
   > Have you been searching for yourself, or God, or both?
   Yes, definitely some of both.  But more and more am finding that I can
   just look inside my mind to find the same things..  (I'm trying to not
   sound cliche)..  It's like I don't change..  well, okay..  I am
   finding a core inner me, that doesn't change.
   
   Even though I've met thousands of people and seen a lot of Tokyo and
   snippets of 40 countries, sorta-tried to learn Japanese, Ride My
   Bicycle hundreds of kilometers, blah blah blah and alllllllll this
   crazy stuff,..  I'm finding there is still a core part of me that
   doesn't change.
   
   Still afraid of meeting strangers, still don't want to settle down,
   still afraid of commitment in relationships.
   
   Still able to be quiet and listen though I have thousands of stories.
   Still able to touch that Thunder Rabbit sense of childhood and
   freedom.  Still able to climb on a jungle gym and giant monkey net.
   
   I'm discovering the core of myself, and learning to call it beautiful
   despite flaws that I've been conditioned to see.
   
   >  re: gifts of food:  But I also see it as evidence of God's taking care of you.  I
   > wonder, do you consciouly ask for such gifts, or does your entire
   > being resonate in Oneness with God?
   
   wow.  That seems quite lofty, though I have entertained the idea that
   it's possible to live in Oneness with God.
   
   For consciously asking for gifts, it's a litttttle bit different than that.
   
   I have trusted my angels for a long time.  since before Japan.  To
   guide me and help keep me out of trouble when necessary.  They are
   always patient and love me even if I don't listen to them.
   
   I think our thoughts create reality.  So prayerful requests (asking
   for gifts) like "I need a car" or "I want a horse"  are answered
   positively.  "Yes, you need a car."  "Yes, you want a horse,"  thereby
   creating the experience of needfulness or wanting in our lives.
   
   So I make prayerful statements like, "I am thankful for the blessings
   I receive."  "Thank you, angels,  for the experiences I have."  "I am
   thankful for easily gaining wisdom from my experiences."  Just
   basically thank you thank you thank you thank you to angels, the
   universe, God.
   
   I hope I'm not blahblahing on the wrong track, but I have definitely
   put a lot of thought into just these topics!
   
   Most recent update, to sortof guide the gifts from God, toward looking
   for a vocation/job/living, a friend of mine told me the mantra she
   used:
   
   "My heart and my income are connected."
   
   I take it to mean, the blessings I freely give to the world bring me
   blessings in return.  "Income" has a definite ring of cold hard cash,
   but I'm not after that *per se*.  So I don't focus on the idea of
   money coming to me, but just the things I need being made available.
   
   I have been gently repeating this mantra for a couple days now
   (something to do while riding a bicycle).
   
   My friend said she found her calling that way after about a year.
   
   Thank you for asking these questions; they have helped me capture the
   state of my brain before I go into this meditation tomorrow!!
   
      Love Love Love
      - Rob!
   

6. I have just made journal entry placeholders for the 10 days of the meditation. Looking at the dates on the registration, it's 12 days that I'll be at the center, with the first and last days not actually full days. So it appears the 10 day part will be 26 April to 5 May.

Website

3:02pm JST Monday 24 April 2006 (day 13179)

Aight.

I have *basically* gotten a good start on the shiznit I wanted to do. Got some pictures up (22 April journal), made a new travel section for Europe (for Bryn inviting me to London and Paris) and for tjbike (my Rob Updates from TJ Bike trip had been piling up in my PB 52 directory)

There are still a lot of pictures I want to put online, and incorporate into my journal, and I want to transcribe Japanese journal entries that I wrote while on PB.

But first, I need to eat (for the first time today), and go to Richard's office (to meet him for dinner with Pia, who we met last night after seeing some cool kites and going to an onsen (man, I haven't written about *anything*!!)).

Oh shit; I better pack a good deal of my shit now cause I'll want to get an early start tomorrow and have gotten plenty of sleep.

zzzz fat and happy

1:11am JST Tuesday 25 April 2006 (day 13180)

Gotta leave in like 6.5 hours. Gotta pack. Gotta sleep.

So fat and happy - had a fantastic meal at Pia's with Pia, Valerie, Richard (who spoke mostly in French with Valerie), and ひで. Rice and ikura with salmon, beef salad, cheese with sauce on french bread..... then dessert of chocolate fondue, with fruit and crepes and Nutella and a game of kiss the person on your left each time a piece of fruit is dropped into the chocolate.

I read Calvin and Hobbes first treasury (almost finished it) and fell fully asleep on the couch as the rest played music and looked up lyrics online.

ひで got a bonus as well: Pia has an extra room available; he's going to stay there for the next few nights before continuing his bicycle trip (that's how we met him; he's got the same bicycle bags as TJ Bike!!!) to Okinawa. Wow!!

Blessings to him and I gave my cards to everyone and it was just a great night.

- - - -

I was just telling Richard my thoughts on next steps:

I would like to continue studying Japanese no matter what country I end up in. If I stay in Japan, I'll just have Jesse takubin my bags to me wherever I land. If I escape Japan, I guess I'll get the bags and take them as luggage. But what about TJ Bike? No matter what I do, I'll likely be in negative finances for a bit, so I'll be needing' to make some cash when I settle.