Entries this day: Dream Helma ISIS Meanies Work ensofic_ray

Dream

5:35am JST Friday 5 September 2008 (day 14044)

Though I was tired and wanted to go hime, I didn't get ready fast enough to go home before i-group started. I joined the beginning of the group where we honored the directions, and it was like an extended version. with new architypes. In the east: electric man, and in the south taliban, and west was America, and north Sata Claus.. We went thrugh them all twice, and I woke up.

Helma

10:53am JST Friday 5 September 2008 (day 14044)

And then I find out Helma will be speaking at Circle of Light in a couple weeks. Dang! I've been in Japan 5 years and haven't done shit, and she's speaking after only her first year.

"I spoke during my first month."

WTF?

She just follows her gut feeling, the clear fountain, on who she's supposed to meet.

So what am I supposed to do?

Well, meditation brought me this far...

ISIS

10:46am JST Friday 5 September 2008 (day 14044)

Just finished ISIS #9 I think. Found myself back under the rubble after an earthquake(?) in China, post television, pre computer days. So sad: unable to help people around me. Sadder: not able to help my family. Died, relaxed, went back to my body, pain and sadness and anger: Why wasn't I allowed to finish? I was asked this lifetime to work hard for my family and I worked my proverbial ass off but not allowed to see it through? Not allowed to see them succeed? I only wanted to help my family... I only wanted to let them go to school and have a better life than me. I just wanted my kids to work hard like me. I wanted my efforts not to be wasted. I pushed them to work hard... Oh shit I was a tyrant. I pushed too hard; I had no idea I was doing anything wrong. Oh I'm so sorry my dear family; you're better off without me, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I thought I was doing just the right things. Back to death: back home. Gilt and shame soothed by peace and angelic waves.

Meanies

12:20pm JST Friday 5 September 2008 (day 14044)

Why are some people so mean when online? I took this screenshot from my email.

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Work

7:19pm JST Friday 5 September 2008 (day 14044)

Working on takeout these days. Yesterday I got code from Andrew which I incorporated.. Oh the universal login; I wrote about that a bit. Today worked on getting what was actually quite easy to do, but somehow I got all confuzed and tried to bring in some unneeded code. I'm literally still not sure what happened and why I thought those bits were needed (new header and footer being used in sbstrm). Got rid of those, and it worked. I was a bit frustrated at Andrew for answering again what I already knew instead of my question, but my question was basically, "why am I confused?" or more specifically, "why did I bring in these two files when I started with just fixing the auto-logout?"

Once I got replaced the unneeded files with the ones I already had, it worked fine again. Oh, and I had replaced the auto-logout code with the new version from sbstrm. Oh, AND I had to replace the security key creation code with a new version, but I have no idea wtf was happening with that. Or, why tf the keys were starting as 16 chars long, then jumping to 17 for no apparent reason... after they had been created... (arrived at Ogikubo to do Ensofic Ray)

ensofic ray

8:45am JST Saturday 6 September 2008 (day 14045)

So hard to stay awake during parts of it. He had his hands on either side of my head and I was just zonking out like crazy, but somehow maintained awareness for all but like 10 seconds.