Entries this day: Great_RC_process

Great RC process

2:41pm JST Sunday 8 March 2009 (day 14228)

I'm not really sure what to call the Saturday 3pm to 7pm workshops that I attend on some Saturdays. The process can be called Co-counseling, or reciprocal counseling, but the organization is apparently called UER, or United to End Racism. But we haven't really talked about racism or any -isms so far in the class (4 of 10 classes finished).

But that's not why I'm writing.

Whatever I wanna call the meetings, I had a great process yesterday. Actually two great processes. Officially, with the people we meet through the group, we are not supposed to develop any further relationships. Basically, given the level to which we open up to one another, and especially over a course of years, it's easy to "fall in love" with one another. "Wow; I wish I could talk to my significant other like this..." and so therefore want to make significant others out of our co-counselors.

SO, given that I'm having an art show about 300 meters from where we meet, I figured it would be silly to *not* invite them. But even better than that, I went through quite a process in the process of inviting them, alowing myself before-hand to go deeply into all the fears of being rejected, fears of only asking my friends to meet if it benefits me, and then the extra issue of asking the people who I'm not supposed to invite, *plus* the consideration of people feeling obligated to go because they watched me cry about the possibility of them saying no.

I was surprised at the difficulty of asking each person in the group, eye to eye, "you are invited to my art show at ELF, which will be this coming weekend from 11am to 5:30pm. I'll send you a map."

HI everybody!

Thank you for all your support yesterday.  I processed a *lot*!!!

My art show will be between 11am and 5:30pm on Saturday or Sunday at ELF COOPERATIVE, which is
*very* close to where we meet for Co-counseling class!!

The map to ELF COOPERATIVE is available at this cute short URL:  http://is.gd/m4u5
ELF is marked by a green pin on the map.

   Love Love Love
    - Rob!

But I did it, and then we set up the *next* challenge: inviting everyone in my high school. Of course there are some people who I kn(o/e)w and love and could invite very easily. But to invite *everyone*, I figured the easy way would be to make an announcement on the intercom as part of the morning announcements. But the hard way would be to by in the gymnasium with everyone in the auditorium, and me go to the center. So that's what we set up. Everyone crowded into the table area, and I was called up and made my announcement. Hmmm; that wasn't so hard.

Especially with a supportive group, not so hard, but I wonder .. anyway, gotta change trains now.

(the second process involved crying and punching, after having received a cute but poisoned valentine.)

3:14pm JST

Okay. At The Pink Cow now.

Yesterday, my second process took me a bit by surprise.. I wasn't sure where it would lead, but just started talking a bit about how hard my previous process had been. Wondered aloud about the origin of the pain and focused on having received a valentine card from Cory (sp) Fisher (sp). On the outside, a cute bunny holding a carrot, and asking, "do you carrot all for me?"

And on the inside, he wrote, "I sure hope not."

At the time I received the card, I was eight. I imagine we all traded cards and maybe took them home to read them, but in any case, I never confronted him about writing the note which hurt so bad at the time (and 31 years since??)

["okay pause," said Emma, as this process, though very real, with me using Talia as my counselor, was being watched by all the other members of the group. Basically a training session; the idea was that they would give suggestions and Talia would choose between those and her own suggestions, and it would be all great.]

[All through their discussion, I kept my conscioiusness between two worlds, and kept the anger alive in my body.]

I confronted her as him, and me as 8-year-old me. "You're mean! Why would you write that? I bet you wrote mean notes to everybody! I'm going to tell the teacher on you..."

Then I had her move back a bit, and I punched a pillow. Not thick enough.

4:48pm JST

(just gave Traci a massage)

Stacked up more stuff. More punching, punching, punching, then crying, then adult me hugging the pillows as if they were little me. Awesome.