Entries this day: i-group nan some_options_for_spiritual_growth

i group

11:08pm JST Monday 9 March 2009 (day 14229)

The men in I-group yesterday gave their support in my fear about the future of my immediate future here in Japan. I worked out my spending plan to reveal I'll have something like 30,000 yen and one month to eat plus make 70,000 yen to pay for my rent which will be do on May 15th or so. Kevin asked a good question:

"Is it prudent for you to go to Australia for the ISIS training right now? I agree the training is great, but can it wait a bit?"

As he asked, I heard the answer from inside/above, "go to Australia; don't sweat it." and then I did a coin toss test, heads: "go to Australia," and my relief to see the answer.

Takeshi didn't really understand my "logic" of following my gut feeling, and I accept that. No problem. And I'm going to Australia.

"I'm scared to do this," I summarized, "but I have to do it."

SO then Kevin asked, "are you complete?" and I was like, "ummmm 99% complete, but gotta do one more thing."

I wanted to ask each man, eye to eye, if I fail at this, will you still support me? but I didn't want it to imply necessarily financial support, but, just their support,.. and then I got it, and started with Michael, "If I fuck up, will you still love me?" He assured me he will, and I started to cry. "good, cause I'm scared."

I asked each man in turn, and all gave their support (emotional).

This is the night Stephen came back to our I-group after what he says has been three years. I guess he'd know better in general when he was here last, but I think it's only been 2 years. Anyway, he's definitely changed after his battle with cancer and sudden change of life plans. He said "I'm jealous of you right now," as he hugged me, helping me remember the blessings I've got and the opportunity I've got, and I've got to do this thing.

I thanked him later for his words.

We all headed back to Ebisu station, said HI to Stephen's host Junichiro (?), then bye to both of them.

nan

11:23pm JST Monday 9 March 2009 (day 14229)

Kevin and I have often-times gone to the nearby Indian restaurant to get tea and nan slash curry. I usually get just cheese nan and lassi, and he would usually get something more filling. Today David joined us, getting a salad and nan. I got just cheese nan, and Kevin got just tea. "エックチャイ" the way he would ask for it in India.

Talk was mostly about men's group stuff while David was there, and then he headed out to begin his one hour ride home. Kevin and I switched to our more common topic of the latest antics with his son Kailash (named after a mountain), and my latest questions about spiritual development.

some options for spiritual growth

11:51pm JST Monday 9 March 2009 (day 14229)

I told Kevin that I had just listened to a 10 hours of recordings by Stanislav Grof, which described first some of the inadequacies of the standard model for psychological behavior, and their expanded cartography with which they can describe more precisely a greater range of psychological behavior, including spiritual states of conciousness and schizophrenia. (( This summary is my version from my memory, so don't trust it nor make any assumptions about the actual content of the recordings. ))

"In the lecture, he basically talked about their use of LSD to allow people to reach transformative states of consciousness, which would sometimes mirror those of schizophrenia and spiritually awakened states of consciousness, and could be used to affect emotional breakthroughs in the patient, or something like that," I said, or something like that.

"So, I wonder if you have any feedback on using this type of experience for spiritual growth."

After my specification that I wish not to smoke anything (neither marijuana, nor salvia divinorum), Kevin suggested ayahuasca, which has been available here in Japan ("though may not be anymore"), "or you can go to Brazil and get it anywhere; they have an entire religion based on it."

He described ayahuasca as a "teacher plant," which, "once it accepts you as a student, will continue each experience where you left off with the previous one." Wow. That's pretty cool.

The thing that's got me most sold on this is the similarity to near death experience, in which I'm quite interested. He said, "it can bring up the grief from all the times you ever hurt anyone, so you feel the experience from their point of view.." I interrupted, "... so therefore, I won't have to re-experience those when I die for real." Hmmmmm I'd be willing to learn from this type of experience and have the chance to apply my newfound knowledge immediately!

"BUT," he suggested, "you can get the same experience from the type of work you'll be doing in Australia."

"Yeah... At this point I'm still just thinking theoretically, and will probably only do this for realz if I get no result from ISIS 101."