Entries this day: ISIS_101.01 ISIS_101.02

ISIS 101.01

10:06pm EST Sunday 29 March 2009 (day 14249)

25% charge left on my computer battery. Wanted to charge my computer and transcribe my handwritten stuff including ISIS sessions, but I think I'll just go for ISIS since the only plug I've found so far is no locked up for the night.

Steven was connector for my first session here in HV  (Hidden Valley)

I thought he would touch my side, but he touched on my chest, near the same spot that I touched him.
"Why'd you touch there?  you're just copying me!" just like my brother, always copying me.
And I saw myself as a leader in a war, but we were at the end of our supplies, and the end of
everything.  So much grief and sadness at thousands of men dying for following my lead.  Men asking
me what to do but there was no correct answer.  The only thing left was to die, which we did.

Floated around a bit, and then got back into it.  Next lifetime I fell into a trap and died with an
upright spear in my chest.  That was just a throwaway life; I hated the rich man for whom I worked.

Then hating Japanese culture for just killing itself through drinking and TV and all this crap, and
they just need to stop, and use their brains

  And suddenly Steven removed his hand.  WTF?  "you said stop,"  Fuckin' hell.  Don't stop
  man.  I'll never ask to stop.  I want my safe word to be Wombat  or Chrysanthemum Soup.

Got back into it and just blah about Japan and don't want to be there and want to save them and
develop Clairvision there, etc.

Violent anger and vibrationally tingly all in my hands and arms like I was paralyzed with the
energy.  It was great!

Thousands have died from listening to my advice.

Thousands have died from not listening to my advice.

Thousands have been born by me.

ISIS 101.02

Robin was my connector

touch on side (where I thought Steven would touch)

Civil war bayonette

She was the woman I love most ever ever ever. my wife was a native american and knew everything
about the land and earth and everything.  So much love for her.  Now I keep looking.

Rei was the best, and right there...  so much anger at myself to have not broken up with Hitomi and
lose Rei as a result.

Now I'm with Ami and knowing I should break up with her, but fuck how?  Why can't I?  She's cute she
cooks she's great but isn't for me.  I keep looking

First it was Robin, but oh she has Neil.  Then Jacquelen, but ah she has Simon.  Now Tina looks
pretty cute but ARGH this is a stupid cycle.

I just need to do my work.  I'm going to build a retreat center and train people like Helma. I have
so many talents but what to do?  just do my work and she'll come.

Questions that arose during feedback circle:

Is it possible that my lack of responsibility keeps me from having what I want?

What is it about the DESIRE? I "want" to do the work, but what's under that want?