Entries this day: Dream_4am Dream_7am ISIS_101.03 ISIS_101.04 eye_contact showertime

Dream 4am

4:08am EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

Dreamt that Meg Robinson confided in me as her brother, saying "we just did some mushrooms... it was okay, but it would be better with *you*" and she curled up in my lap like a cat or a child. I said, "well, I've been considering doing mushrooms, so... I'll come out there and watch or perhaps join you." She goes, "really?" and was all smiley and licking just under my nose like a cat.

We went outside and were next to the Zbylot's old house on Methil, and climbed into a screened in area for tools. Meg's friend was face down on the ground and still experiencing her mushroom adventure. Meg and i sat down and then Kate came out to say something but then the noisy nosey neighbor opened the window all, "hey you girls havebeen playing out here for a while, and Mike's trying to practice piano." I go, "so what are you tring to say?" and he was all, "what if Mike goes to bed and doesn't know you're out here??" and he's like, "you just need to think about that." and Kate and I both go, "think about what???" And he's like, "exactly." and we go "wtf? it's not like we're being loud!"

Dream 7am

6:15am EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

Carrying my cute cat Spot through some water drenched train track areas... I miscalculated and he got just slightly less wet than had he been swimming. I carried him even closer to keep him warm. We arrived halfway there and Wende and her friends were there looking for us to guide us home.

ISIS 101.03

10:01pm EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

Third ISIS of this week, transcribed from diary:

With Jacquelen, touching right kidney area, right along bottom rib line

This ISIS shit is shit I don't see/feel/perceive shit.  Sadness sadness.  All my project are
unstarted and unfinished websites, courses, classes, languages, trips, girls, fear of commitment.

"You're feeling the sadness.  What's it like to feel this underlying pattern of unfinished
projects?  Get into your 3rd eye and feel the point (under Jacquelen's fingers)"

and I did that and began to see a purple spot in my closed eyes.

wha?  is that it?  excitement (?) shhhh  just relax and stay with it.

ISIS 101.04

7:17pm EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

Neryl touching center of my sternum:

Trip slip on rocks and fall dead down a cliff, just from a small mistake, how can such a tragic
outcome come out?  This lifetime?  Been in Tokyo for six years of bullshiz on just my small choice
to go there, with no research, etc.

"when was the first time you felt this?"

Tumbled back in time and glimpsed my most beautifulest wife ever, on the porch as I had to decide
between love and money, supporting my family directly or indirectly, and I would do anything for
them (huge sadness of loss), so I went to the war to make money and then die and they didn't get any
money anyway (huge anger of unfairness), and now I don't want to chase money, fuck the government
and lying banks.

Just feel the feeling of feeling the sadness.  Soggy wet sloppy sadness.

"Howe does it feel inside the sadness?"

WTF ARE  YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Sadness feels sad. Go fuck yourself wif deez questions.

Sat with Jacquelen looking over the valley during dinner. She helped me get an idea of how to answer the question, starting with how the emotion manifests itself in my body. Tightness here, heaviness there... ah I can answer that kind of question.

eye contact

10:23pm EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

After listening to _Highness_ (17.9?) where Alcibyadi helps Szar with his hand, we did some meditative aspirations, and then eye contact for a few minutes sharing impressions. Jacquelen and I spoke nothing verbally, and everything non-verbally.

When asked to tune in to our hearts, I got the sense of my heart being warm and big and loving and strong. woah. hadn't felt that before. It was like the words just came as I tuned into its essence.

After the process, no one wanted to move. I smiled at Jacquelen. Turned toward Ange and said to them both, "I felt my heart."

high five!

showertime

10:25pm EST Monday 30 March 2009 (day 14250)

Showertime. (I haven't yet taken a shower today)

11:16pm EST

hahaha; my towel and clean shirt, socks, unders have been moved from the line where I hung them. I wonder why. Still took a shower, but wearing same shirt as yesterday and day before. But this time, I'm wearing it backwards.