Entries this day: ISIS_101.09 ISIS_101.10 ange jax

ISIS 101.09

11:50am EST Thursday 2 April 2009 (day 14253)

11:12pm EST Thursday 2 April 2009 (day 14253)

I didn't write this down, but Stephanie barely had her fingers on my left side, and asked some questions, but I don't remember details.

ISIS 101.10

6:50pm EST Thursday 2 April 2009 (day 14253)

Ange and Tina are the MC and opposite pillar for this course. In the past couple days they've been doing the connection for individuals' ISIS process. This time, Tina did mine. (I wanted Ange, but) this turned out to be a most significant process for me:

Basically, involuting and going back to back in the day, back in my room, and I fell asleep while
dreaming of my room, and Tina was like, "if you see a vortex, go to it," so I saw a vortex
and tried to jump in, but didn't get anywhere interesting, so I was all, "ROB! requesting Space
Matrix access through the vortex," and showed my recognition symbol [ROB!] glowing in yellow,
and then the portal opened, and in I went, into a huge (million light years across) bubble in space
where I could play, fly, create galaxies like a magician with playing cards, or whateva I like).
Then she asked me if it was anything like back inside the womb.  I found myself there, but this time
it didn't feel all warm and loving, or even like "my space" and Tina was like, "who
else is there?" and "what else do you feel there?" and I'm like, "anger,"
and had a sense that my mom was angry about having me, an unplanned pregnancy, which I imagine would
throw a real monkey (wrench) into one's life plans.

Feeling the situation from mommy's point of view, and seeing how it affected me...  mmmm nice
awareness.

Then when we debriefed, Tina was like, "and when you went into that vortex, I was like,
"wow!" and really blown away..."

"That was real?"

ange

1:13am EST Friday 3 April 2009 (day 14254)

I didn't write this at the time class finished, but Ange talked to each of us about our plans for future work, once we get back home. I told her about Kumi in Tokyo, who has also done ISIS 101, and asked about the possibility of starting a meditation class in Tokyo.

"Any other questions?"

"That's it about Tokyo, but I wonder about living here."

"Ah good, I was hoping you'd ask about that.." and turns out it may be an option to go to New York as well, but not sure about my ability to pay the finances required (basically $10 per day for food) for months at a time. I mean, that's only $300 per month, but it's a volunteer position on the work aspect of it. Hmmmmm.

So, dear angels, I'm officially asking for help on making enough money to live in Tokyo until September 2009, and then have enough money to pay for plane tickets and 18 months living here in Hidden Valley.

jax

11:00pm EST Thursday 2 April 2009 (day 14253)

Each night, Jax and I hang out and chat in her room; this is actually the third such night. The first night we actually chatted, and then last night we just wrote journal entries and then "aight good night" and this night we are both still writing.

She just asked me what I plan to do when I get back; she plans to sneak behind and jump on Simon while he's at work. I'm like, "um..." and know I've gotta make some difficult decisions around work and relationship and housing/city.

I go, "I wanna ask you some questions," thinking about appropriate behavior back in Tokyo, "but not right now. We write right now and I'll ask you later," wanting to get another set of write puns right in there.

11:13pm EST Thursday 2 April 2009 (day 14253)

Now going to chat with Jax fo realx.

12:32am EST Friday 3 April 2009 (day 14254)

Talking about our respective ISIS processes and then the plans for tomorrow; the class is going to do two long ISIS sessions (one in AM and one in PM) instead of four 'normal' sized sessions (two in morning and two in evening), and we'll be working with the same partner all day. I immediately chose Jax in my mind, and asked her if she'd be my partner. I was like, "well I know who *I* want to partner with..." as I caught up to walk with her to dinner. She does, "who?" and I'm like, "a woman named Jacquelen" and she's like, "really?" etc and then agreed we be the best partners for each other. Later I decided I shoulda said, "my friend Jax," but it's all working out nicely.

Anyway, talked about our plans and who was going to go first, and I was like, "I'm a bit nervous about looking at my mommy issues because I know what's going to come up, and I'm embarrassed about it." She's like, "what's going to come up?" and I'm like, "sometimes when I'm with Ami, I like to call her mommy, and have her take care of me," and then went on to say how that's especially true during sex, and I like her to tell me what to do, etc. I see now that this ties in exactly to my growing up; I wanted my mommy to be happy with me, and would do anything to make her happy (but of course that wasn't possible, so it was all in vain).

Jax was all, "aw, well, you should know that I'm not going to judge you, and no one here is going to judge you, and plus that's perfectly natural," etc and that helped me feel a bit better, but then, "why does it have to include sex?" and she's all, "cause it's a deeper connection; it's more personal.

mmmm makes sense.

I was like, "this is the one topic that I've never written in my journal," although maybe I had, even before now. (there's actually one more thing, which will have to wait)

Our conversation continued on sex and adventures in relationships of both long and short duration. Success and failures, joy and pain. Mostly joy. I like Jax.