Entries this day: ISIS_101.11-12 Main_temple night_critters

ISIS 101.11 12

11:32pm EST Friday 3 April 2009 (day 14254)

Though done in one session, this was actually like two sessions (ISIS 101 11 and 12); we each did a single 2 hour long ISIS session. I paired with Jax, who went in the morning. She did a great process, saying at the end, "I didn't know I had that in me." I feel thankful to have taken part in her work.

This afternoon, with Jax starting with a point right on my sternum, mine was basically a process of feeling my heart and belly (non physical versions), a sensation that seems to elude me. I *did*, however, make an interesting discovery that I can wrestle with my eyes closed (play wrestle, at least), and that I 'see' things kinesthetically. Perhaps my vision is all via motion and contact.

I was having trouble feeling/seeing, so Jax changed from a point to her hand on my chest. That helped a lot.

At one point, Jax had her hand on my chest, and Steven was scream/yelling during his process, and I could feel the energy hitting me. (on the side of my body facing him, I felt tingles that seemed to be reactions to his screams) I told Jax to try taking her hand off my chest and just let me feel the stuff going on around me and Tina came barging in and was like, "feel this; feel that" referring to my belly, etc, and I was like, "it feels like a baby dinosaur [so full of strength and potential]" and she was like, "no; you're [thinking] in your head, [not feeling with your feelers]" and I just started to cry because it was yet another case of me telling her exactly what I felt, and her saying I wasn't feeling it. Just cried and cried and cried and explained to her the whole process I had been doing of feeling Steven's screams and feeling a baby dinosaur of potential in my belly.

Ange helped me continue with the baby dinosaur feeling, and I built up a lovely energetic etheric?) tingling through my body (perhaps the most I've ever felt, and for the longest period) including gravelly yells of angst, happiness, sadness, confused potential all around, and then was just frantic to use the energy somehow, so I got to wrestle with Ange a bit, with my eyes closed the entire time. She sorta climbed on top of me and was like, "try to throw me off," as at first I had just been like grasp-hugging her entire body at once. I quickly flipped her over onto her back and on top of her used my left foot (two toes) to hold her right ankle over there, and my right leg on her left leg over here and holding both her arms down with my hands. She said "ow" as my left crabclaw toes hurt her ankle, so I let her up a bit and then had both of her legs caught with one arm and keeping her in like a fetal position, and then she was like, "it's about matching strength, not overpowering," which wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear (I wanted to hear, "rar!" as she flipped me over and I got to wrestle with more strength) but did set the ground rules. I then had both of her hands in my hands and holding her down a bit, or something.. then just was so happy to have worked out that energy that I just started to cry again..

They had me lie back down and continue feeling the feelings, and I felt a huge sun in my belly (heart?) and when Ange asked about it, I was like, "if I tune in to it, it's huge, but if I think about it, it gets smaller," and she was like, "well it's obvious what you need to do then," and I just kept feeling and feeling. Then she was like, "about how big is it? As big as this room, or bigger?"

I was like, "we need to speak in terms of galaxies here," and she laughed a bit and let me continue feeling. Then she was asking what the feeling was like, and it got me all confused, so she rephrased her question to like what color is it, and is it hot or cold, etc, and I finally got an answer that it was bright and hot like the sun. I chilled with this feeling for a bit, and then was like, "what's under that?" and again confusion; there's nothing underneath it; this is the bottom, the core, the source of Love=God in the universe, and I was like, "if I could be in this state all the time, I'd be Jesus, and people could kill me and I would still love them," so I chilled in that state for a while and then

and then

and then noticed that it was not an infinite source of love; there were little cold dark chunks of anger in there, and I would want to bite=kill some people, if only in my mind, but that's sure not infinite love.

Jax goes, "do you want to bite me?"

"No. Not yet at least, but maybe later; we'll see. But Tina. And George W Bush."

"Try to go back to the feeling."

Main temple

12:06am EST Saturday 4 April 2009 (day 14255)

I don't like that they call the meeting locations temples. It makes me think this organization sounds like a religion, or worse yet, might be a religion. But our ISIS 101 group was invited to join the just slightly bigger ISIS intensive group in the main temple tonight for some vision spaces and such.

John, the MC for the group, continued to be the MC for this extended group, with Helma as his opposite pillar. Ange and Tina sat to John's right and left, respectively.

We heard some chapters read from Atlantean Secrets volume 4 (I think), with Szar bringing and visiting Maryani down to/in Vasook's kingdom. Did some eye contact exercises, trading some perceptions (I partnered with Claire Carmen (saw a pure white column for her connection), Denis (blue light), then Vera (with whom I'd like to chat at greater length; she skipped the topic and asked about my ability to keep my awareness above my head)).

In the discussion afterward, I said the space in the temple felt easier for me to connect to meditative space. Easier probably than the downstairs temple, and way way easier than my room.

We then did some vision spaces after a pee break. I partnered with Stephanie (from my 101 group) (we didn't say much) and then David (with whom I got a ride here) (who did a bit of channeling for me), for the first two general-topic vision spaces, and then with Claire Carmen again for the personalized question vision spaces.

My questions were about how to develop my vision and ways to see what vision I have already. I don't remember much except I said I feel kinesthetically. After the first portion, I mentioned that I had seen she needed massage and shoulders and legs. She said her arms too, but I had missed that with my brief remote scan.

Strictly speaking, I really enjoyed gazing into Claire Carmen's eyes. Turns out they're only 20 years old, but the space felt good. Both she and David (and some others who seem to have vision have) said basically, "your presence is very grounded, and excellent space for doing this work. Just keep practicing."

night critters

11:25pm EST Friday 3 April 2009 (day 14254)

When I got back to my bed area, I found a praying mantis chillin' on my bed. I didn't really know how to grab them or if they will bite fingers like biting mates' heads, so I just invited it to be gone by the time I got back from my shower.

Jax, in a nearby shower, said "just get a stick and put it in front of it and he'll climb on and you can take him outside."

Got back to my bed and he was gone, so my first plan had worked already.

Currently pooin in the poo only compost toilet; on my way here, in addition to hearing several wallabies just outside my flashlight (headlamp) range, I saw a little frog hoppin by, and a bit later, I saw a little mammal gently carefully creep past me as I was standing on the trail wondering if I had gone past the toilets (*). I'll guess it was a lemur or something similar.

(* they're on a side trail I had missed)

12:43am EST Saturday 4 April 2009 (day 14255)

Dammit. I just got back to my room and found the praying mantis basically squashed dead with guts squirted partway out the body, but with legs still moving. Though I realize I probably stepped on it after my shower, I didn't kill it the rest of the way; I took it outside (on the back flap of my notebook) and put it on a fern leaf, from which it immediately fell to the ground. I'm so sorry, little green guy.