Entries this day: Crying ami

Crying

10:02am JST Tuesday 7 April 2009 (day 14258)

I'm just crying crying. God I don't want to be in Tokyo anymore. At least not right now.

ami

8:48pm JST Wednesday 8 April 2009 (day 14259)

Tuesday 7 April 2009 (day 14258)

Tuesday I did laundry, threw a couple things away in the spirit of cleaning my room, applied for one or two jobs, called Romen (my recruiter), and lulled around the internets.

Ami came over in the evening and everything was fine, including the snuggles, until I was like, "yeah so as I was saying, I wanna go to OZ in September, and I'm thinking it's best if we break up at that time."

Ami was sad and angry, and I opened my heart to her as she spoke through her tears. I really like when she's able to talk despite being upset.

I was triggered a bit when the time came for her to go home (as per her original schedule) and she didn't go home. But fair enough; she deemed the conversation more important. I was just worried that her dad would get mad at her. (Ami said she was supposed to be home for some type of ceremony after her mom's death in November.)

We sorted out the issue, essentially. I'm like, "yeah we need to break up so I can focus on meditation in OZ." Ami is like, "you focused well enough for two weeks, why can't you do it for a year?"

My answer to her question includes desires to just feel free. Free of all requirements, free of any concerns about what I *have* to do.. Another part of it stems from having had relationship troubles by *not* breaking up with Hitomi before PB 52.