Entries this day: Productivity Six_hour_Talk Subsequent_productivity

Productivity

1:41pm JST Saturday 16 May 2009 (day 14297)

So far today I've removed the Google ads from The Pink Cow website, and cleaned up a bit of broken javascript that was miscopied on some of the pages. The pages are all constructed with tables and ばっかり em attributes, so from where I removed the ads a large space remains. It's not horrible looking, but certainly not optimal. I might clean that up next, but Ami has asked if I will meet her from 2pm instead of 3pm. So I said I'd like to finish at 6pm instead of 7pm.

Six hour Talk

9:22pm JST Saturday 16 May 2009 (day 14297)

Wasn't actually six hours talk, but six hours taken with meditative preparation, talking, crying, talking, anger, talking, and then a bit of chilling after Ami went home.

Don't know that the conversation was particularly useful. I'm still adamant about wanting to break up because I have given all I want to give, and she's still adamant about her inability to break up because she loves me. She basically presented an idea that we stay in a hobbled relationship that may mean we meet once a week, or may not, and will include no sex (at my request cause that's a core internal issue I'd like to address), and will mean Ami doesn't say anything if I wanna stay home or go out or anything not including her.

AND, I told her I think it's really really really really important for her to get some support in Japanese regarding her mom's death, and her dad's alcoholism consumption.

AND, I told her I can't give her an answer immediately. I've got to meditate on this and decide if there's any value in the planet to continue a relationship that I've already declared I don't want to resucitate.

Her side, as per my understanding, includes: I've never worked on the relationship as a couple, but only as myself; I'm cruel to expect her to change from relationship to friend or nothing, given that she can do neither; she'd rather die than lose me (I don't think that's literally true); maybe other stuff. I guess we should have written down the key points.

Near the end, and against my previous request, she asked if she can kiss me. I didn't really relish it.

Subsequent productivity

9:48pm JST Saturday 16 May 2009 (day 14297)

Imported all the names of The Pink Cow mailing list to the new mail manager, and next need to set the template for the emails.

Now, to make 5000 yen, I'm headed to Soness' house to work on her garden in the AM, and her computer tonight.