Entries this day: I_surfed Posse temporary_lapse

I surfed

6:55pm JST Thursday 9 July 2009 (day 14351)

Not just the internets, but ocean waves.

9:23am JST Friday 10 July 2009 (day 14352)

Oh man.. who woulda known that coulda gone so wrong?? Everything was fine in the end, but Soness wasn't impressed that I had used her boards without her having given me training. Phrases like "dangerous sport" and "my friend died" were used during the conversation.

Posse

9:26am JST Friday 10 July 2009 (day 14352)

Had a whole passel of people here last night (and this morning as I write this). Chris and Holly from England, and Tommy, Ilkka, and Harri from Finland.

We had spaghetti and two sauces, plus two calzones with Tomokopesto+tomatoes+cheese and two calzones with Sonessapplefilling+cheese

temporary lapse

9:33am JST Friday 10 July 2009 (day 14352)

Hmmm, but perhaps the most trickiest thing yesterday has been the handling of my desire to run away from responsibility under the guise of not knowing what I want to do (it seems quite a convincing reality), and not wanting to choose where to do it.

I knew in my gut that Traci would be mad if I got run off to Australia for 3 weeks in the middle of us trying to get Cow-Go going, but I figured I just gotta be me and gotta do what I gotta do.

Traci wrote me a lovely email starting with

Hi Rob,

You did not tell me you would be gone so much this year.  I don't think I 
would have put in all this work, thinking I would have someone to take it 
over if I had known that.

I told Soness (she could tell something was wrong, but I didn't want to interrupt her being mad at me about surfboards to cry about getting fired from Cow-Go, anyway) when she was like, "what are you thinking?" and I go "I got fired from Cow-Go" and she said, "let's talk" and we talked and she was like, "you're continually running away from responsibility," and "you can choose to be the man you want to be." etc etc

- - - -

So that was all last night, in the middle of having give peeps over for couch surfing purposes. I'm writing this (and the above) the next morning, after having meditated.

I hate to cancel seeing Sally in OZ again, but I think I should cancel the trip to do Avatar (which will just spread my energy out further), suck up the loss of $600 for plane tix (need to pay Soness back; I'll ask her to cancel them, perhaps via her credit card company; I'd way rather pay her 600 than pay them 600 for nothin')

I'm going to email Traci now, something like this:

HI Traci

I don't know if you've replied to me since I wrote that last night.

I want to chalk it up to a temporary lapse of judgement on my part.  I
will cancel the trip to Australia; I need to keep myself focused and
not always run away from responsibility and such.

I know I've told you several times that I don't know if I can do this.
I believe I *can* do this (support you by getting Cow-Go started) but
I may need some training wheels to help me get started.

After talking to Murphy, I understand there is a master list of
students that Nao has.  I'm going to email Nao about getting access to
that list so it can serve as the official list.

The only thing I need from you right now is to know if you're willing
to forgive me, take me back, let me keep working on Cow-Go with you.
I understand you're running a business, so if you don't have time to 
waste on me I will respectfully duck out and just be your friend and 
masseuse as needed.

  With Love
    - Rob