Entries this day: Work Yurika_lesson at_Soness,_pissed saw_Johnsons_Motorcar soness_amazing_recovery why_I_didn't_say_anything

Work

8:53am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

Geat day at work, finished off one page and wrote another page completely. Nice.

Yurika lesson

8:51am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

Great lesson with Yurika, though she *didn't* do her homewoerk; we looked at some of her previous homework for some final quesitons. I think it might be better to work on fluency for her instead of just listening and transcription. She used to memorize passages of her homework back in EV days. That always impressed me.

at Soness, pissed

8:07am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

Soness took me out last night to thank me for being such a good (house)mate, and to see a high energy awesome band. Ironically, though I pushed my lesson with Yurika earlier, and therefore had to leave work early, Soness was quite late leaving the house. I called her at 8pm to meet her in Shibuya, and she was like, "I'm ust now leaving the house! That was fine; no worries, and I guess I know to expect lateness from her. But then she was like, "can you help me figure out which train to take?" Since I didn't know how long she'd take to get to the station, I guessed at the train departure time for her, and then the tain that arrives at least a minute earler, and sent her a screenshot of those times, labeling them "easiest" and "faster," respectively, and she was like, "no" and "it's not faster; this one is faster" and sent me her own screenshot and I was like "hello a simple thanks would be nice," but no thanks came, and I was like why the fuck do I do anything for you? and if you're taking me out, why the fuck aren't you here? and I spiraled into a pissy rage in my mind and nowhere to let it out; just wandering around the back corners of Shibuya. I talked to Emiko a bit about our yoga retreat this weekend, and then I wandered a bit more than then I saw the nearby karaoke box. Boom "30 minutes, please" and paid 520 yen and got my own private room to holler. I yelled and roared into the mic; every curse word I could think of; fucking verbal garbage spewing forth. Where does all this anger start? I sang "Kill You" by Eminem twice and then a couple of others cause I had basically calmed down by then. Headed out 2 mintes before 30 minutes was up and went to Inokashira Line to meet Soness at Shimokitazawa.

I wanted little or nothing to do with her, but put on my best smiley face and fortunately, once she sorted out where the place was located, our names were on the list and a lot of her friends were there so I left them to bounce-dance alone and I went to watch the genki cutie drummer りな

saw Johnsons Motorcar

8:24am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

When we arrived, and confirmed my hunch that it was Johnsons Motorcar, I stripped down to shorts and t-shirt (no shoes) and went down to the dance floor with Soness. We bounced for a bit near Kelly and Spring Day, and some of her other peeps, and then I was like, "fuck dis" and kept making my way across the audience to where Rina the drummer was playing. I bounced on my bare feet for basically all of the songs that were bouncy. Just continuous bounching on my toes for maybe a total of thirty minutes or more. It wasn't really that tiring though, so I was glad about that. I can feel it a bit in my calves today, but not much. Thank you, calves.

Beautiful Lou came by and tapped my shoulder to say HI. I hugged her bigly: my one friend who Soness also knows, but I didn't meet through Soness. (there's also Jimmy, but he's not in Tokyo.)

Rina was her usual cute self smiling bigly and drumming like a rock star. Though I didn't get any great pictures of her, I sure enjoyed watching her drum while I bounced.

The show ended and I wandered around a bit, still with copious energy and still pissy at Soness a little bit, and waiting for her to finish social butterlication.

soness amazing recovery

8:37am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

On the train, on the way home, though at first I let the crowd separate us, I sat by Soness once the crowds thinned out. She was in such good spirits that she sang aloud for me the song that makes her think of me ("I need your therapy" sung by India Arie) and though people stared at she, Soness kept singing beautifully, and my heart softened dramatically, and I realized she does love me. Oh Soness, how can I be mad at you for not loving me when you're so sweet like this???

why I didn't say anything

8:43am JST Friday 19 March 2010 (day 14604)

I know from my years of work in i-group and other places, the anger my seem directed at someone or caused by someone, but I know it's all an internal conflict. "You realized your anger has nothing to do with this man; he is just a mirror for something inside yourself." And I realized that it was something about me that was angry. Basically that I ASSumed she would arrive at a certain time, though we hadn't agreed on one. and that I therefore cleared my schedule by moving lesson and skipping Pink Cow plans.

That I wanted a "thank you" for "helping her" with train schedule might be a sticking point, but doesn't seem quite right. Maybe I didn't feel my work was valued; that she just ignored me. frack, I don't know.

Tha other thing is that I wanted to keep a fight from breaking out on a 'date' she planned, and the other reason is it would have caused a fight had I brought it up in an unsafe way. AND, she was so bubbly kawaii that she wasn't in a space to listen to anything, much less that. (these are judgemtns, not facts).